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Fighting Depression #21 – A week gone by…

April 15, 2017
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…and I feel like I don’t have much to show for it.  But, really, I’ve gotten a few things done.

  • I (finally, yes) applied for “ReEmployment Assistance” (Unemployment).  It was a VERY stressful experience, but I got it done.  Pretty much waiting now, but I have to start with the applying to five places a week and logging that process in the meanwhile.
  • Worked on my resume (still need to tweak it and reduce it for a one to turn in to places in person for when I apply.)
  • Went to the gym for the first time in a couple weeks on Thursday, so I’m feeling it today.
  • Did some yardwork – mowed the front lawn, cut down some branches/small trees and put them out for yard trash pick up.  That’s always a good feeling of accomplishment to see a big pile of debris set out for pick up, knowing that I did that.
  • Been going through my games, DVD/Blu Rays, books to find stuff to list on eBay/Amazon and otherwise sell to generate cash to pay some bills as I’m falling VERY behind on things/will need money to supplement the RA funds until I get a job.  I’m really stressed about this, but will be posting listings this weekend.  (There will be an upcoming post linking to them when they’re live.)
  • Also been working on a post about my firing.  I know several people have voiced curiosity about why I got fired.  The short answer is that I don’t know.  I’ll probably post it late this weekend or early in the week.

Also, this happened yesterday:

041417 no more mohawk

What’s that?  Why, it’s the hair from my back, of course.

No, just kidding.  It was my mohawk.  The ‘hawk is gone.  Not exactly the most conducive hairstyle when looking for a job.  I’m not especially upset over it, as I was most likely going to shave it off in early Summer before I got nasty hot this year.  I’d been rocking the ‘hawk since April 2013 (with a period from Nov ’14-Spring ’15 without), so I was getting ready for a change.  Think I’ll keep it shaved for the Summer, at the least.

That’s it for now; I’ve got things I need to get done today (take Smiley for a walk, breakfast, apply for jobs online, more work on listing stuff to sell, housework.)

As always, thanks for reading.


Fighting Depression #14 – Lots of words and pictures.

March 14, 2017
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Okay, so, last week.  I posted on Wednesday, basically saying I’d not gotten much done during the week and kinda feeling bad about it.  Then, I posted an addendum, to show that I’d forgotten about some productivity I had.  Cuz, I forget things.  A lot.  (In fact, that’s one of the reasons I’m keeping this blog, is so I can look back and see for myself.)

Yay, depression.

So… Thursday of last week, I went up on the roof and did some cleaning.  I’ve not been up on the roof since late April 2015.  So, as you can imagine, there was a bit of cleaning to do.  I’d actually gone up there on Wednesday and pulled some of the branches off that had fallen during Hurricane Matthew, back in October.

Here’s a couple pics of the roof, beforehand:

So, I got up there with my blower and went to town.  Lots of twigs were buried in the leaves, so plenty of stopping and pulling them out and tossing them down to the ground and continuing.  I was up there for an hour-ish, all told.

Now, I’m not good with heights.  Years ago, going up there would’ve had me trembling and all sorts of anxious.  In fact, the first four years or so that I owned the house, I didn’t go up there, not once.

Working at the shelter, I decided I was going to make myself confront this issue.  At the shelter, there were several buildings and leaves collected there frequently, so I started going up there and blowing them down.  As much as it made me nervous, I went up and I did it.  Over and again.  (Y’know, 3 times a year or so, as needed.)

After a while, I got much better about it.  I’m still a little leery, but I’m not afraid any more.  So, being up there was kinda cool.  A reminder of what I’ve overcome.

Right now… this phase… having been fired for no reason (at least none given), I’m feeling pretty useless.  Ineffective.  Incompetent, even.  It’s not helping I’ve let my depression get the best of me and I’ve tapped my savings and all that. So… that reminder, that was a good thing.  (This is another reason I’m journaling in this blog – to help show myself, and anyone reading, that I’m not useless/ineffective/incompetent.  Make sense?)

So.  I did an hour or so up there,  loving being up there and being (99%) comfortable.  It was nice and breezy and not hot and I loved it.

This is the after pics:

Feeling pretty good about that.  🙂

Also, I started blowing off the carport roof.  It’s the furthest area from the camera in the left hand pic above.  I’ve never cleaned off the roof of the carport.  Not once.  I’ve owned my house for 16 years and 4 months and 13 days, and never once have I cleaned it off.  So, there’s a LOT of leaves and dirt and even those little fern-like plants growing in said dirt.

Which means that’s a project that’s going to take a bit more work.  But as the pic below shows, I think I am off to a good start:

030917 carport top after

The plan is to go back up on the roof either tomorrow or Thursday, and do some more cleaning up there – focusing on the carport area.

That brings us to Friday… Saturday… Sunday.  I pretty much didn’t do a whole lot.  I think I stayed home pretty much all three days, except to run some movies to the library that were due on Sunday.  Oh, and I ran to the store to pick up a few groceries on Saturday.  But, other than that, I was home and I didn’t accomplish a whole lot.

I was mostly stressed over something that I had to deal with… and stressing that some minor little thing might bite me in the ass in a serious way.  I refer to it in yesterday’s post (and, yes, I’m being intentionally vague, and that’s not going to change.)

I was grateful that there were three WWN Live branded wrestling shows airing live on FloSlam to take my mind off things.  Friday was SHINE 41, Saturday was ACW: Luck of the Irish and Sunday was Style Battle 3.  All three shows were good, but SB3 was one of the best shows I’ve seen in a while.

Even so, Sunday night was hell.  I stayed up until almost 4:30am and slept for shit for the 5.5 hours I was in bed.

Got up at 10am, left the house around 11am, drove to Daytona to deal with stuff, found out that I had to come back 90 minutes later, so I drove to the mall that I used to work back in the 1990s, the Volusia Mall.  (I worked at Waldenbooks from Sep 1991-Mar 1998, as an assistant manager for the last five of those years.)

Daytona was really busy, as it’s Bike Week, which I totally just didn’t realise or I did and forgot.  I was amused by this posted sign on the side of the main drag, about half a block before the actual Daytona Speedway, where the races are held:

031317 daytona ride quietly

Yeah, like that sign did any good…

Got to the mall, went to the only bookstore in there, Books A Million (which was not there when I worked in the mall.  There was us and a B Dalton’s, though that closed a few years ago.  I browed BAM for about 20-25 minutes, then walked the rest of the mall, trying to see what was familiar, what was new or different.  (I’ve not been in the mall for a good five years, possibly closer to seven.)

This storefront is where my store used to be.  Kinda made me sad.

031317 my old storefront

Finished walking the mall and still had almost half an hour to go.  So, I went for a circuitous route through Daytona to get back to where I needed to be, and arrived pretty much when I wanted to.  Did the thing, and all was well.

After that, I treated myself to lunch, but you’ll have to refer to yesterday’s post to see the pic of the yumminess that was had.

After I got home yesterday, I just chilled/relaxed for the rest of the day.  I was exhausted and relieved and it was good.  Went to bed about midnight, slept until 8:30am this morning, best sleep I had in days.

Today, went to the gym for the first time in over three years.  Felt good to go.  I did 20 minutes on the stationary bike (5.38 miles including the 2min cool down after the 20min, but I hit 5 miles about 19:20), then did some upper body machines.  Talked to Caleb, one of the personal trainers there, and he helped me with some exercises to work on my core and strengthen my back (for those new to me, I have scoliosis, so that’s important.)

Was a good experience, feel accomplished.  Also feel sore, am pretty sure I’m going to be achy tomorrow!

So, yeah, that’s it, that brings us current.  As always, thanks for reading along.  Feel free to share any thoughts!


Fighting Depression 12A – short addendum

March 8, 2017
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See, THIS is why I’m keeping this journal/blog about my depression in this fairly rough patch of time for me.

Because I forget things.  Earlier today, I posted and said that I’d not done much at all the past couple days, couldn’t think of anything of note.

But, I did do something, and I need to try to remember things and stop beating myself up over things so much.  (yay, depression)

IMG_20170308_175626

This is the curbside in front of my house.  This pic is taken from earlier today.  The piles are mostly stuff I did before today (a few of those limbs are from the roof, which I went up on and threw them off of today, but the palm fronds and about half of those branches/limbs, those were done over the past five days or so.)

I don’t think the pic captures how much there are, either.  Those palm fronds were two full double-arm loads for me (and, for those of you who haven’t met me in person – I’m 6’2″ with a 6’5″ wingspan.)  And the branches/etc, a good load and a half if not two.

So, yeah, I’ve not been quite the slacker-bum I felt like.

Boo yah!


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