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Fighting Depression #29 – I’m still here!

June 9, 2017
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So, 15 days gone by, not a post from me.  (sheepish grin)

Let’s see… quick recap, bullet points style!

  • I’m still unemployed.  Still collecting unemployment (“ReEmployment Assistance” in Florida.)  Still putting out applications left and right (minimum required to be on RA is 5/week, I’m exceeding that every week.)
  • I have a job interview next week; I’m nervous as fuck about it.  I did a phone interview, and then an online assessment and now the next step is in-person interview.  This would be a cool job, I think, and it’s 2nd shift (I’m so not a morning person, so that’s a good thing) and it’s manufacturing, so the pay should be more than I was making.  (And, while I’m not really about money, I do like being able to pay bills and the like… plus I’ve accrued some extra debt doing the jobless thing the past five months.)
  • Technically, tomorrow will be five months from when I found out that I was being fired for no reason.  (Yes, I’m still bitter about that.  Even though, from things I hear, I think it’s a good thing I’m not there any more.  Let’s just say, standards have fallen.)
  • I’m scraping by, I’m managing.  Selling stuff online and making some here and there, finding some money I had squirreled away in an envelope three years ago and completely forgot about helps.  I’m starting to look into other avenues should the ReEmployment Assistance run out before I find a job, and there are avenues.
  • Been going to the gym, twice a week most weeks (there was a ten day stretch between visits a couple weeks ago, so that wasn’t good.)  I’m thinking about boosting it three times a week.  Better for my weight loss (which is happening, been about a pound a week most weeks), better for my mental health, too.
  • Saw two new release movies, one last week, one this week.  Last week was ALIEN: COVENANT (I enjoyed it, it wasn’t great, but it was fun) and this week was WONDER WOMAN (oh, so very awesome, loved it.)  I paid $6 to see both of them (did a blood donation a couple weeks ago, and got a $10 Gift Card to EPIC THEATRES.  On Tuesdays, it’s “Discount Day”, shows are $6, $8 on the XL Screen – and, trust me, superhero and scifi movies are MUCH better on that bigger screen.  So worth the extra $2.)
  • I have good, productive days and I have bad days.  Time is starting to get tighter in regards to a steady income (such that it is), so I’m going to have to force myself to have more good, productive days.  I have a plan for the weekend and even early next week.  Plans and lists are tools that help me stay on track, or get back on track when I derail.

So, that’s it, in a nutshell.  Pretty much a holding pattern/same-old, same-old the past few weeks.  Hopefully, this coming week brings good news, but if not, then I’ve got to go into overdrive.  While I’m waiting for that, working on things, looking into avenues, the like.

As always, I thank you for reading.


Fighting Depression #16 – One bad day, two good.

March 21, 2017
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So, the past several days have been more good than bad.  As the title indicates, there was one bad day.  That was Saturday.  Saturday… I just couldn’t bring myself to go out and do anything.  I was supposed to go to the gym, but I didn’t.

Instead, I stayed home and meh’d.  Watched tv (really digging Netflix’s Iron Fist show – watched three eps on Friday and two on Saturday) and some wrestling (FloSlam streamed wXw‘s 16 Carat Gold 3-night tournament this past weekend, so that was highly enjoyable.)

And… um… of course, some more videogaming (mostly No Man’s Sky.  I don’t understand the vitriol about the game, I think it’s been damn good, and since the Path Finder update and the subsequent 1.23 patch, it’s even better.  Granted, I never played pre-Foundation update, but if people are still hating based on that, that’s dumb.)

OH!  I tried watching Yoga Hosers.  You know, Kevin Smith’s newest movie, starring his daughter and Johnny Depp’s daughter.  (Apparently, Johnny and Kevin are both in it as well, though I didn’t suffer long enough to see either of them.)

If you’ve been on the fence, let me help you.  Don’t bother.  It’s crap.  Completely insipid and unfunny.  COMPLETELY.

Sunday was much better.  I drove to Lakeland to visit my friends Glenn and Jen, who moved to Florida late last year and finally got around to having a BBQ with a group of people.  It was approximately 2 hours each way, but totally worth it.

It was good to get out, have a little trip, and spend some social time with two good friends and meet some of their friends.  Glenn cooked burgers and dogs and we talked and laughed and enjoyed the sunny, comfortable day.

Came home and tended to my critters and watched the final night of wXw 16 Carat Gold, which was most excellent.

Yesterday, dropped off some movies at the library and then went to the gym.  Got a good workout in (15min on elliptical, some core/lower back exercises, and then a variety of machines working upper and lower body.  About an hour all told.)

Dinner last night was leftover corned beef with potatoes and onions, which was my St Patrick’s Day dinner on Friday.  Cooked in the crock pot, soooooooo good:

031717 corned beef dinner

Today has been good.  Slept in (woke up tired so hit snooze for an hour, seemed to have done the trick), have had a fairly chill start to the day – morning coffee and No Man’s Sky, took Smiley for a walk, had breakfast and watched some IPW:UK wrestling.  Plan for the day – some housework, revisit my budget, some more Iron Fist, work on grocery list and such for tomorrow’s erranding.

I’m a little sore/achy post-workout but nowhere near as bad as last week, so that’s good.

Speaking of Smiley, here’s a picture of her right now.  She’s tuckered out from her walk (and the walks are shorter than they used to be.  She’s an old girl, at least 12, probably closer to 14, years old.  I know she’s not going to be around a whole lot longer…)

032117 sleepy smiley

Fighting Depression #15 – Pretty chill few days

March 17, 2017
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So, the past several days have been lackadaisical.

Actually NOT really because of my depression, which is usually the cause when I have days of doing next to nothing.

As I detailed in my last post, I went to the gym for the first time in over three years.  Now, even though I’ve not been working out since Feb 2014, I’ve been working a physical job.

But not since January 9th.  Since then, I’ve been fairly, no, mostly sedentary.  Sitting around the house, feeling sorry for myself, for the most part.

So, working out on Tuesday KICKED. MY. ASS.

This wasn’t a surprise.  I’ve been there before.  I’ve gone years w/o working out, started working out and hurt for it.  But, damn, did I hurt.

Also, I can be stupid at times (I’m going to blame the depression on that) – it didn’t occur to me until yesterday to use my TENS unit on the sore muscles.  (Like I said, stupid.) That made a big difference.

So, past two days, stayed at home.  Did laundry, dishes, stuff like that, but that’s it.  Smiley and I have been watching tv (The Path on Hulu, Legion on Hulu, Time After Time on Hulu, Lucha Underground which is now on Netflix, NXT), movies (finally saw The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai in the Eighth Dimension), playing video games (No Man’s Sky, Stories: The Path of Destinies, the latter I ‘beat’ on Thursday) – and yes, Smiley’s been watching me play, not playing.  Listening to podcasts (Welcome To Night Vale, Longbox Heroes: After Dark).

Today, feeling much better, I ran some errands (library, grocery run), came home, started corned beef in the crock pot (which has the house smelling soooooo good) and caught up on some chores.

Tomorrow, heading the gym, running more errands.  Sunday, heading to a friend’s house for a BBQ, so it’ll be good to be out and social.

As always, thanks for reading.

Fighting Depression #14 – Lots of words and pictures.

March 14, 2017
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Okay, so, last week.  I posted on Wednesday, basically saying I’d not gotten much done during the week and kinda feeling bad about it.  Then, I posted an addendum, to show that I’d forgotten about some productivity I had.  Cuz, I forget things.  A lot.  (In fact, that’s one of the reasons I’m keeping this blog, is so I can look back and see for myself.)

Yay, depression.

So… Thursday of last week, I went up on the roof and did some cleaning.  I’ve not been up on the roof since late April 2015.  So, as you can imagine, there was a bit of cleaning to do.  I’d actually gone up there on Wednesday and pulled some of the branches off that had fallen during Hurricane Matthew, back in October.

Here’s a couple pics of the roof, beforehand:

So, I got up there with my blower and went to town.  Lots of twigs were buried in the leaves, so plenty of stopping and pulling them out and tossing them down to the ground and continuing.  I was up there for an hour-ish, all told.

Now, I’m not good with heights.  Years ago, going up there would’ve had me trembling and all sorts of anxious.  In fact, the first four years or so that I owned the house, I didn’t go up there, not once.

Working at the shelter, I decided I was going to make myself confront this issue.  At the shelter, there were several buildings and leaves collected there frequently, so I started going up there and blowing them down.  As much as it made me nervous, I went up and I did it.  Over and again.  (Y’know, 3 times a year or so, as needed.)

After a while, I got much better about it.  I’m still a little leery, but I’m not afraid any more.  So, being up there was kinda cool.  A reminder of what I’ve overcome.

Right now… this phase… having been fired for no reason (at least none given), I’m feeling pretty useless.  Ineffective.  Incompetent, even.  It’s not helping I’ve let my depression get the best of me and I’ve tapped my savings and all that. So… that reminder, that was a good thing.  (This is another reason I’m journaling in this blog – to help show myself, and anyone reading, that I’m not useless/ineffective/incompetent.  Make sense?)

So.  I did an hour or so up there,  loving being up there and being (99%) comfortable.  It was nice and breezy and not hot and I loved it.

This is the after pics:

Feeling pretty good about that.  🙂

Also, I started blowing off the carport roof.  It’s the furthest area from the camera in the left hand pic above.  I’ve never cleaned off the roof of the carport.  Not once.  I’ve owned my house for 16 years and 4 months and 13 days, and never once have I cleaned it off.  So, there’s a LOT of leaves and dirt and even those little fern-like plants growing in said dirt.

Which means that’s a project that’s going to take a bit more work.  But as the pic below shows, I think I am off to a good start:

030917 carport top after

The plan is to go back up on the roof either tomorrow or Thursday, and do some more cleaning up there – focusing on the carport area.

That brings us to Friday… Saturday… Sunday.  I pretty much didn’t do a whole lot.  I think I stayed home pretty much all three days, except to run some movies to the library that were due on Sunday.  Oh, and I ran to the store to pick up a few groceries on Saturday.  But, other than that, I was home and I didn’t accomplish a whole lot.

I was mostly stressed over something that I had to deal with… and stressing that some minor little thing might bite me in the ass in a serious way.  I refer to it in yesterday’s post (and, yes, I’m being intentionally vague, and that’s not going to change.)

I was grateful that there were three WWN Live branded wrestling shows airing live on FloSlam to take my mind off things.  Friday was SHINE 41, Saturday was ACW: Luck of the Irish and Sunday was Style Battle 3.  All three shows were good, but SB3 was one of the best shows I’ve seen in a while.

Even so, Sunday night was hell.  I stayed up until almost 4:30am and slept for shit for the 5.5 hours I was in bed.

Got up at 10am, left the house around 11am, drove to Daytona to deal with stuff, found out that I had to come back 90 minutes later, so I drove to the mall that I used to work back in the 1990s, the Volusia Mall.  (I worked at Waldenbooks from Sep 1991-Mar 1998, as an assistant manager for the last five of those years.)

Daytona was really busy, as it’s Bike Week, which I totally just didn’t realise or I did and forgot.  I was amused by this posted sign on the side of the main drag, about half a block before the actual Daytona Speedway, where the races are held:

031317 daytona ride quietly

Yeah, like that sign did any good…

Got to the mall, went to the only bookstore in there, Books A Million (which was not there when I worked in the mall.  There was us and a B Dalton’s, though that closed a few years ago.  I browed BAM for about 20-25 minutes, then walked the rest of the mall, trying to see what was familiar, what was new or different.  (I’ve not been in the mall for a good five years, possibly closer to seven.)

This storefront is where my store used to be.  Kinda made me sad.

031317 my old storefront

Finished walking the mall and still had almost half an hour to go.  So, I went for a circuitous route through Daytona to get back to where I needed to be, and arrived pretty much when I wanted to.  Did the thing, and all was well.

After that, I treated myself to lunch, but you’ll have to refer to yesterday’s post to see the pic of the yumminess that was had.

After I got home yesterday, I just chilled/relaxed for the rest of the day.  I was exhausted and relieved and it was good.  Went to bed about midnight, slept until 8:30am this morning, best sleep I had in days.

Today, went to the gym for the first time in over three years.  Felt good to go.  I did 20 minutes on the stationary bike (5.38 miles including the 2min cool down after the 20min, but I hit 5 miles about 19:20), then did some upper body machines.  Talked to Caleb, one of the personal trainers there, and he helped me with some exercises to work on my core and strengthen my back (for those new to me, I have scoliosis, so that’s important.)

Was a good experience, feel accomplished.  Also feel sore, am pretty sure I’m going to be achy tomorrow!

So, yeah, that’s it, that brings us current.  As always, thanks for reading along.  Feel free to share any thoughts!

Return To The Gym

August 13, 2013
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Approximately twenty months after my last visit to a gym, I joined my friend Kenny as a guest on his account tonight at the Planet Fitness in DeLand, FL.  Kenny’s been looking for someone to help him stay motivated in going to the gym, and I needed to get back in the gym, and I can go for free as his guest, so why not?

Met him today ~5:30pm.  (Saw one of my helpers from the shelter, guy named Sean, there, too, which was kinda cool.)  We did half an hour on the treadmills, then did some machines for a combo arms/shoulder/back workout.  

I’ve got some aches and pains going on, expect more tomorrow.  But, been down this road before, so no big deal.  

Yes, I’m getting proactive about my weight again.  It’s not as bad as early 2011, when I had ballooned up to 252#.  I’m 215#, a gain of approximately twenty-two pounds since the last time I weighed in on, September of 2011.  So, really, 22# in two years isn’t bad.  (Thank goodness I work a physical job, right?)  

I’ll be moderating my calories again, as that plus working out did the trick two years ago (again, almost 60# lost in six months, I was pretty proud of myself.)  

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