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Fighting Depression #34/’rassling roadtrip #1

July 1, 2018
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Yeesh, another seven months without posting here.  Kinda good, kinda bad.

I’ve been busy a lot of that time, with work and going to some wrestling shows and seeing movies (got the MoviePass last month, have seen ten movies with it already) and playing video games… but also wasting a lot of time, dealing with a lot of mental stress and whatnot.

Hoping to be more active here – been really lax on social media for the most part.

Also, with this part, I’m starting a new post – ‘rassling roadtrip.

(If you want to watch the free stream of the event, you can do so here.)

So, Friday was CEOxNJPW – a New Japan Pro Wrestling affiliated show promoted by CEO GAMING, during the first evening of their three day “Fighting game championships” tournament/convention/thing.

A little history: I’ve been aware of New Japan Pro Wrestling since the early to mid 80s.  Even in Florida, we saw various faces and personages from NJPW, when they came over to spend time abroad (something the Japanese wrestlers generally do in their early years as a wrestler, to gain experience and exposure to other styles and culture – and my summation is horribly terse and probably inaccurate in capturing the spirit of things.)

Throughout the 90s, World Championship Wrestling routinely brought over wrestlers from Japan, and they had a strong working relationship with NJPW.  From The Great Muta (whom I’d been a fan of since the 80s) to Masahiro Chono, Big Van Vader, Ultimo Dragon and others.

I’ve always been a fan of the Japanese style of pro wrestling – the strong style, the athleticism, the high flying.  Even in the 2000s, they started working with TNA/Impact, Ring of Honor, as well as other international companies, like RevPro UK, and I’ve been lucky to have seen many of these events and their up and coming stars and established wrestlers doing “tours”.

So, long story short, I’ve been a fan of NJPW before I ever saw any of their events… and most of the events I saw were through tape/video trading and the like for many years…

Recently, NJPW has increased their worldwide exposure, more tours, more cross-branded events, and their own streaming service, NJPW World.

Last year, NJPW had their first US event, over in California.  This year, I believe they have several coming up this month.  But, flying to CA wasn’t even remotely possible last year (still isn’t really that budget-friendly right now – with plenty of time to save up, I’m sure I could make it happen.)  This was very cool, and gave me hope that I might one day get to attend a live show.

Then, a few months back, CEO Gaming announced a wrestling show would happen at their gaming event in Florida.  In Daytona Beach.  At the Ocean Center.  Thirty-two miles from my house.

Thirty-two miles.  About half an hour’s drive.  From my house.

I had to see this.  I didn’t care how much a ticket cost, I. HAD. TO. SEE. THIS.

So, I did.  I got the day off work (yay, vacation days rule), bought a second row seat on the day tickets were available, and I went.

Actually… and this more of the “Fighting Depression” stuff… I won’t say I almost didn’t go, but I did have to fight a buttload of anxiety.  Since I had the day off, I had a lazy morning, drank coffee, played video games, ate breakfast, and got ready.  Left the house about 1pm, went to Tomoka Eye in Port Orange to order my company-paid for prescription safety eyewear.

I’ve been a permanent employee since October 30th.  I’ve had the paperwork since then, and I just haven’t been able to make myself go.  Several times, my team leader has (good-naturedly) razzed me about still wearing safety glasses over my regular glasses when I should go get my ‘scrip ones.  And she’s right… and I make plans… and stupid depression/anxiety, whatever gets in the way.

But, I finally did.  Then, as it was only 2pm by time I was done there, I caught OCEAN’S 8 at the Regal Pavilion Stadium 14

(The movie was good, story was a bit rote, but it was fun.  The performances were great.  I have a few non-major complaints, but they’re spoilery.  I’d call this a good popcorn flick.)

After that, and after dealing with some anxiety-related intestinal issues, I headed to Daytona.  Got my parking spot, scoped out the Ocean Center (I haven’t been there for any event since the late 90s; my friends and I used to go there for wrestling shows and hockey quite a bit, back in the day.)  Figured out where and when I needed to be, then grabbed lunch at Hog Heaven BBQ.  (Their pulled pork sammich is yummy.  Fries are pretty good, mac n cheese is excellent.)

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After that, walked back to the OC and got in line.

And waited.

And waited.

This was my view of the line:

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The only complaint I have about the show was waiting.  It started late, the doors opened late, we got seated late, we waited, there were a couple dark matches, we waited some more, there were a few more matches, then some more waiting…

And, really, it wasn’t that bad.  In line, got to chat with some cool cats, check out everyone’s ‘rassling tee shirts (from Lucha Underground to WWE to NJPW to MLW and more.)  Once inside and seated, all was good, as my back and knee were starting to bother me.  (Silly me, I hadn’t thought of bringing any Aleve.)

I’m not going to do a match-by-match breakdown.  Most of my pictures suck, and you can find better pics and more comprehensive reviews written elsewhere, I’m certain.

This was my view of the ring:

062918 njpw ring view

It was a great view.  The fans about me were all sorts of cool – no assholes.  The crowd was hot for the show – excited and vocal.

The two dark matches were decent.  Aaron Epic lost to Chasyn Rance and then, in a complete surprise, Michael Nakazawa showed up to issue an open challenge.  Michael is a great talent, does the comedy wrestler bit wonderfully, and as evidenced at the show, can get cheap heat real fast.  (I’ve seen Michael on CHIKARA Pro videos and have always enjoyed his schtick, so I was really excited when he was announced.)

He talked trash about American wrestlers (and American gamers; as at least half the crowd were people with CEO Gaming attendee badges on, this was easy heat) and issued his challenge to anyone in the crowd, or in the back, who was American.  Of course, dozens of guys volunteered from the crowd, until a young wrestler came down.

We never learned his name, but Michael called him “Skinny Boy”, so that’s what we chanted during the match.  He was young and skinny, so it fit.  And he lost in pretty short order – he got a few good moves in, but Michael won.  And he got back on the mic and started talking more trash, saying he wouldn’t leave the ring until he fought everyone there and the like… until the event organiser, Alex Jebailey, came down in his wheelchair.  (He legitimately hurt his leg a couple days prior to the show.)

Almost defeated from getting in by the security railing that wouldn’t separate, he got the security guys to help lift him over the railing, and he got into the ring on crutches.  It seemed that Alex was going to answer Nakazawa’s challenge… and Michael kicked the crutch out from under him and the bell rang to begin the match.

Jebailey did wonderfully, not being a wrestler and working with one foot in one of those soft casts.  (He later told us that he’d hurt himself training for the match, attempting a flying dropkick off the top rope, IIRC, and is having surgery this coming Thursday for it.)  Michael, of course, being the heel, targeted the injury as much as possible, but in the end, Jebailey pulled out the victory to the delight of the crowd.

All the matches were fun.  I was so excited to see Jushin Thunder Liger, the Guerrillas of Destiny, Rocky Romero, Los Ingobernables de Japon, The Golden Lovers, Ryusuke Taguchi, Dragon Lee and the rest.

We laughed, we clapped, we booed, we cheered, we chanted.

The guy next to me (I originally wrote ‘kid’, and he was pretty young, but hey) was named Louis.  He wore a blue staff shirt for the CEO event and was excited, as this was his very first live wrestling show ever.  I was thrilled for him.  Towards the end, during the main event (The Golden Lovers of Kenny Omega and Kota Ibushi vs Tetsuya Naito and Hiromu Takahashi of Los Ingobernables de Japon), when all four guys were down after hitting moves on each other, he started a “This is awesome” chant.

He needed a loud voice to back him up, to help the chant spread.  I’m pretty good at that, and I totally agreed with his assessment, so I helped his chant by booming it out.  Others jumped in… and in seconds, it had swept across the arena.  He was stoked and I am so glad to have been a part of that.

My favourite moment (outside of being shocked that Nakazawa was there) was when, at the start of the main event, Kota Ibushi demanded to face off against Daryl Jr.

Daryl Jr is Takahashi’s plush cat.  (There was a Daryl, but he got his head torn off.)

Here’s a pic of Daryl and Kota facing off in the ring… (Daryl was seated facing him, but the ring shook and he tipped forward.)

 

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I love that, as serious as Japanese wrestlers can seem, they can be some of the silliest, and most fun, guys out there.

Once again, I want to thank Alex Jebailey, Kenny Omega, and everyone who helped make my dream of seeing NJPW live happen.

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Fighting Depression #33 – The Holidays Are Here

November 24, 2017
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Been over three months (!!!) since my last Fighting Depression update.

That’s kinda a good sign; been very busy with work, which helps me not have too much time to dwell on things and beat myself up over them.  That’s not to say that I haven’t had some issues with depression, I certainly have.  A couple weeks ago, had one week that was particularly rough, pain management and depression-wise.  (And I notice that when the latter is bad, the former tends to be amplified.)

Yesterday (obviously) was Thanksgiving.  The holidays are always rough for those who deal with depression.  Especially when you’re alone.  I’m missing having someone special in my life, someone to share holidays with… and I’m also missing having friends to spend time with, hang out, share the holidays with.

Money is still tight, even making over $3/hr more than I was this time last year. It seems I’m always dancing a fine line, juggling flaming bowling balls, just hoping my car lasts long enough, hoping nothing breaks around the house, hoping my health stays outside of anything serious…

But, there are things I’m thankful for. The presence of people in my life, even if just through social media. Having a good job that pays better than I’ve ever been paid before, that has benefits, that actually takes care of their employees, instead of taking advantage of you while praising you to your face for years and then tossing you aside with no explanation given. (No, I’m not at all bitter… actually, I’m mostly not any more… it’s just that’s exactly what they did.)

I’m thankful that I’ve managed to keep my house; it’s been touch and go multiple times over the years, but I’m still here, it’s still mine. It’s not in the best condition, there’s lots of things that need to be attended to, but it keeps me comfortable/safe from the elements, keeps my critters safe and content.

I’m thankful for my critters; I’m surprised Smiley is still with us, I know she’s at least thirteen years old now, VERY likely older.. and the average life expectancy for a pit bull is usually thirteen to fifteen years. It’s my job to keep her safe and spoil her (and she’s snoring on her couch – yes, HER couch, not mine – right now, so I think I’m doing a pretty good job, there.)

The cats are happy, well-fed, comfortable, safe, too.

So, it’s an effort, but I’m reminding myself of what I’m grateful for.


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An end to an era?

September 2, 2017
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So…
 
Bellini’s finally happened. I talked myself out of last week, for whatever reasons. I planned to do it today and started talking myself out of it earlier, and said, “No, this is just depression rearing its ugly head again,” and made myself go.
 
(For the uninitiated, Bellini’s is my favourite restaurant. It’s a little Italian deli, opened decades ago by Mr. Bellini, who had retired from running a deli in New York and moved to Florida. His wife was an English and Latin teacher at my high school, so he got bored being the only one home all day, so he opened a deli down here. I’ve been going to Bellini’s for approximately 35 years.)
 
I walked in and felt something was different. The decor was slightly different, there were small differences here and there. Shelves with bottles of pickled veggies and sauces weren’t there. But… it was more than that. Something felt… off.
 
I glanced over behind the counter, expecting to see Scott, the owner, working with his employees, making food… but he wasn’t there. Kinda odd for an early afternoon Saturday, but not unheard of. I walked back to the dining area, saw a server I know, and she seemed… not upset, but not her usual self. She greeted me with a, “hey, baby,” like she always does (and she’s a cutie, but as much as I’d like to think that means anything, I know it doesn’t), but there was a distraction in her demeanor. (Now, at the time, I didn’t think anything of it. Service help can’t always be 100% bastions of sunshine and joy, real life can dampen that.)
 
I sat at (one of) my usual table(s), and she came over, asking if I needed a menu. I told her I didn’t, and she repeated my usual to me (pretty good, considering I’d not been there in a few months, and only a couple times in 2017… but she’s worked there six years now), which I confirmed. She seemed a bit more her usual self then.
 
Food came, it was delicious as usual, but I wondered if it tasted a little different. Still great, but yes, it did. Maybe they were using different bread, maybe a different provider of veggies or meat or cheese? Wasn’t sure. Still, it was great, and I enjoyed every toasty bite of my Italian hero, all the way, hot.
 
When she (I really should learn her name) brought over my check, she asked if I had heard Scott had sold the place. I hadn’t, and voice my surprise. Health issues and long hours and such led him to do so, and the new owners took over last week. (Remember, two weeks ago, I went and they were unexpectedly closed? I bet that had something to do with that.) She asked if I enjoyed the sub, I said I had, and she remarked they hadn’t changed anything in the menu… and appended with with a “yet.”
 
I said that I hoped they didn’t, and she agreed. We talked a little bit more (they weren’t busy, so I wasn’t keeping her from any waiting customers), I gave her her tip and went to pay my bill.
 
So… we’ll see. When new owners bought Bellybusters years ago (2008ish?), they signed a contract agreeing they had to keep certain items, the specialty items Bellybusters was known for, on the menu… but they changed things. Went from fresh ground beef on the burgers to chopping up frozen patties. And it made a big difference.
 
So much so, more new owners ended up buying it from them, changing things back to the way they were, and getting back all the customers the first changes had driven away (myself included.)
 
I don’t know if there was any contractual (or otherwise) agreement along those lines here. We’ll see what changes they’ll affect as time goes on.
 
Regardless, it’s not the same without Scott there. When I first went, I was 12 years old, volunteering at the public library/playing D&D (and other RPGs) in the basement, and one of the other volunteers/players suggested we grab it for lunch. Back then, Scott and his wife (the daughter of Mr and Mrs Bellini) were still living in New York, attending college, but they would come down for the summer and on holidays and work… and I remember him being a skinny, tall early 20something.
 
As time went by, we both got older, less skinny, and got on a first name basis. No matter how long between visits, I could always expect to walk in and hear a friendly, hearty, “Hey, Terry,” from Scott. For the past six years or so, when he was off (usually evenings), his son-in-law, Paul, was working and would greet me in lieu of Scott.
 
Certainly, it’s not exactly what the song was about, but I think “Where everybody knows your name” said it best:
 
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name
And they’re always glad you came

Fighting Depression #30 – Hey, I started my new job…

June 19, 2017
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So, as anyone following knows, the biggest thing that’s defined this year is my being fired from the non-profit no-kill animal shelter that I bled, sweated and shed tears over for the past twelve-plus years.  (I won’t go into the long, detailed story again, but for those who are newer and/or don’t know the story of me and the shelter, I wrote about it in detail two months ago.)

I started a new job today.  It’s “temp-to-hire”, but I’m hoping that I’m able to prove myself and turn it into a permanent hire position before long.

Today was orientation, so that meant a morning meeting with HR and several other new hires, and then most of the rest of the day taking tests on the computer.  The last couple hours, I sat in on the beginning of the shift meeting for the department/team I’ll be starting with, and was walked around and given the grand tour and explained many policies and introduced to a bunch of people by my team leader, Linda.

Tomorrow, I begin actually being part of the crew/team/department (not sure their term for it – team, I’m thinking, but I’m uncertain.)  Excited, a bit anxious.  There’s a lot for me to learn; it’s manufacturing, and while I have had a job in that field before, it wasn’t this particular type of manufacturing.

And, of course, depression/anxiety is having me second guess everything and beat myself up… yay.  But, I’m doing my best to ignore that, battle those thoughts with positive ones.

So, onward and upward, right?

(As always, thank you for reading.)


Fighting Depression #29 – I’m still here!

June 9, 2017
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So, 15 days gone by, not a post from me.  (sheepish grin)

Let’s see… quick recap, bullet points style!

  • I’m still unemployed.  Still collecting unemployment (“ReEmployment Assistance” in Florida.)  Still putting out applications left and right (minimum required to be on RA is 5/week, I’m exceeding that every week.)
  • I have a job interview next week; I’m nervous as fuck about it.  I did a phone interview, and then an online assessment and now the next step is in-person interview.  This would be a cool job, I think, and it’s 2nd shift (I’m so not a morning person, so that’s a good thing) and it’s manufacturing, so the pay should be more than I was making.  (And, while I’m not really about money, I do like being able to pay bills and the like… plus I’ve accrued some extra debt doing the jobless thing the past five months.)
  • Technically, tomorrow will be five months from when I found out that I was being fired for no reason.  (Yes, I’m still bitter about that.  Even though, from things I hear, I think it’s a good thing I’m not there any more.  Let’s just say, standards have fallen.)
  • I’m scraping by, I’m managing.  Selling stuff online and making some here and there, finding some money I had squirreled away in an envelope three years ago and completely forgot about helps.  I’m starting to look into other avenues should the ReEmployment Assistance run out before I find a job, and there are avenues.
  • Been going to the gym, twice a week most weeks (there was a ten day stretch between visits a couple weeks ago, so that wasn’t good.)  I’m thinking about boosting it three times a week.  Better for my weight loss (which is happening, been about a pound a week most weeks), better for my mental health, too.
  • Saw two new release movies, one last week, one this week.  Last week was ALIEN: COVENANT (I enjoyed it, it wasn’t great, but it was fun) and this week was WONDER WOMAN (oh, so very awesome, loved it.)  I paid $6 to see both of them (did a blood donation a couple weeks ago, and got a $10 Gift Card to EPIC THEATRES.  On Tuesdays, it’s “Discount Day”, shows are $6, $8 on the XL Screen – and, trust me, superhero and scifi movies are MUCH better on that bigger screen.  So worth the extra $2.)
  • I have good, productive days and I have bad days.  Time is starting to get tighter in regards to a steady income (such that it is), so I’m going to have to force myself to have more good, productive days.  I have a plan for the weekend and even early next week.  Plans and lists are tools that help me stay on track, or get back on track when I derail.

So, that’s it, in a nutshell.  Pretty much a holding pattern/same-old, same-old the past few weeks.  Hopefully, this coming week brings good news, but if not, then I’ve got to go into overdrive.  While I’m waiting for that, working on things, looking into avenues, the like.

As always, I thank you for reading.


Fighting Depression #28 – Today was a bad day.

May 25, 2017
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Today, everything just came slamming down on me, mentally and emotionally.

It was a bad day.  A very bad day.

I’m okay, though.  Not gonna beat myself up for having a shit day and doing pretty much nothing all day.

Gonna chill for a little bit, try to get to bed before long, and tomorrow’s a new day.  I have a game plan for the rest of the week.  I will get things done, I will take care of business.

But, damn, did today hurt.

 


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Fighting Depression #27 – I’m okay.

May 22, 2017
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(Quick plug: I still am selling personal items to help pay bills while seeking employment.  If you like DVDs and Blu Rays, please check out this post.  If you like games – roleplaying, tabletop or PS4, check out this post.)

I’m okay.  (It’s been eleven days since my last post, so you might be wondering…)

I’m not great.  I’m still unemployed.  I still have days where… I just lose myself for a bit.  I’m still a little overwhelmed most of the time, and a lot overwhelmed on occasion.

I’m not horrible.  I’m paying (most of) the bills.  I have a buffer, thanks to the ReEmployment Assistance (though that’s going to run out, it’s not a long-term thing – I’m almost at the halfway point now.)  I have food in my stomach, a roof over my head.  My critters are healthy and happy.  I’m mostly healthy, I believe, and there are times i’m happy.

There have been several screening interviews for jobs (mostly by phone, one in-person.)  There’s been an actual in-person interview/skills test.  They didn’t say how soon to expect a call if I got hired… and I get the sense that it’s not unreasonable to not have heard from them just yet, so there’s still a chance, I’m thinking.

I’m lonely.  I can’t afford to go places on a regular basis that might help me meet or interact with people.  (That being said, I’m likely going to go see a couple movies this week – last week, I donated blood and got a $10 gift card for the local theatre, and tomorrow is their Discount Day, so I’m intending to go see Alien: Covenant… and I got a free screening pass for Wonder Woman on Wednesday.)

I really crave some intimacy with someone, too.  And, really, there’s no way I’m a “catch” right now.  I’m a mess, my life is a mess, my house is a mess.

I’m frustrated with life right now.  Last year, I enacted a plan to Make Things Better.  I budgeted better, got caught up on payments, improved my credit.  Even with the extra weeks’ worth of work I missed last year (and didn’t make up), I was able to do all that.

I had a plan for this year – my five day wrestling weekend was going to involve a hotel room local to the venue (I actually had money saved up for that, but that was used to pay bills to get me through until after said wrestling weekend), and then the rest of the year, the game plan was getting a new(?) car and doing some home improvement projects.

So, yeah.

But, I’m okay.  I.  AM.  OKAY.  I’m not (yet) in danger of losing the house, of being homeless, etc.  I still have time, I still have options.  I need to refocus and tuck my chin and charge through that wall.

I have a reputation.

(Well, I have MANY reputations.  Sadly, most of them are based in truth.)

But, I have a reputation.  I am considered a bit of a force of nature when it comes to my stubborn (some will say bull-headed) nature

So, maybe I need to tap into that and get shit done.


Fighting Depression #26/Movie Time: Guardians of the Galaxy Double Shot

May 11, 2017
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A week ago today, I went to a double feature at the local theatre, the EPIC Theatres West Volusia with Epic XL.  It was a double feature of 2014’s Guardians of the Galaxy and the debuting Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2.

gotg double

This isn’t going to be a break it down to basics review, you’ve probably already seen plenty of those.  This is going to talk about the experience and how it was good for my mental health.

For those new here; I’m blogging some life stuff/etc to help deal with my depression.  I’m self-diagnosed and not seeking professional help at this stage.  I’m also going through a particularly tough time, having been fired (without any explanation) from the not-for-profit no-kill animal shelter that I gave twelve-plus years of my life to.

So, couple weeks back, I saw that there was a double feature of GotG on Thursday, May 4th.  Now, I LOVE GotG.  It’s my favourite Marvel Studios movie.  It’s one of my favourite movies, period.  I own it on blu ray (and it’s one of a select bunch that I am NOT selling – if you want to help a guy pay some bills, please consider looking at the movies I am selling… or you can check here to see the tabletop/roleplaying/PS4 games I have for sale, too.)  I’ve seen it a good 4-5 times now.

The idea of seeing it on the big screen again really appealed to me.  I thought that would be much fun.

The ticket for the double feature was $20.  A bit pricey for my budget, but I had a gift certificate for $12, so it would only cost me $8.  I could justify that – I’ve been treating myself to a meal out about once a week – if I’m having to sell my personal items to pay bills, some of that money is going towards fun stuff.  So I decided this would be my treat for the week.

Now, a little history.  I really dig movie marathons.  I’ve only ever been to two others in actual theatres.  Back in 1987, my friend Todd and I went to Orlando (sadly, I don’t recall the name of the theatre – it wasn’t a big box one, it was a small community theatre with a balcony – we sat in the balcony, it was very cool) and saw A Nightmare On Elm Street and A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge (neither of which I’d seen in the theatre because they were rated R, I was only 15 for the first one, and I didn’t have a consenting adult to go with), as well as the debut of A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors.

It was a VERY cool experience; it was a Friday afternoon, so I played hooky from school (I was a junior in high school, Todd was a senior) and we went to Orlando.  The auditorium was filled to the max, maybe 300-350 people, all rabid Freddy fans.  Watching the first two on the big screen was a lot of fun, we were yelling out lines and such… one vivid memory I have, thirty years later, is EVERYONE yelling the line in sync when Nancy tells her boyfriend Glen (Johnny Depp), “Whatever you do… don’t fall asleep.”

Fast forward to 2014.  Now, I’m a big Planet of the Apes fan.  The original is probably my favourite scifi movie.  It’s certainly my favourite post-apocalypse movie (and I’m a rather big fan of that genre of story.)  I like the five movie series, even the bad one, Beneath The Planet of the Apes.  I own the set on blu ray (and again, NOT SELLING them.)

In 2011, when Rise of the Planet of the Apes came out, I was excited, but with very big reservations, as the 2001 movie sucked balls (though, to be honest, I find myself wanting to revisit that, just to see if it’s as bad as I think I remember it being.)  I put off seeing it at the theatres, so I had to wait until it came out on video (I believe I watched it via Amazon when it did.)  I loved it and was kicking myself for not going to see it… so when Dawn of the Planet of the Apes was coming out, I was excited to see that the UA Seminole Towne Center 10 was having a double-feature with both movies.  (And, yes, I currently own both on blu ray, and, no, I’m not selling them, either.)

I, of course, went.  Was so thrilled to watch RotPotA on the big screen.  Loved the movie even more for it.  (There are some movies that are just so much better on the big screen… and this one was one I already loved.)

Then, DotPotA came on.  It was a 3D movie.

I was horrified.

I’m legally blind in my left eye.  Traditional 3D (the glasses with one red lens, one blue lens) does NOT work for me.  At all.  My brain processes about 98% of my vision through my right eye.  (Even when I cover my right eye, my brain processes so that I ‘see’ through my hand – it processes the left eye image and the image of my hand together.  It’s really cool and weird.)

I thought… ok… well, I’ll try and watch it without.  (I used to try that with the old style of 3D, and get a headache within minutes.)  Then, before the movie actually started, I was like, “fuck it, we’ll try the 3D”.  So, I had to go out and get a pair of 3D glasses (I had no idea DofPotA was 3D, it hadn’t been stated obviously on the website I got the ticket from, though it was listed on the ticket, in small print… I’d have passed on the ticket, or looked for another venue where they were showing the regular version of the 2nd movie instead.)

Guess what?  The new 3D works for me… mostly.  I still don’t get the full experience, but I can see SOME depth and difference.  And, wearing the glasses, I don’t get a headache, so that was good.  (Bottom line, I was able to experience the movie and enjoy it.)

Now, this double feature experience wasn’t as cool as the ANoES triple feature was, because there were only about a dozen people and it was a more sedated experience… but the movies were more than fun enough to make it an experience that I hold dear.

So, walking into the GotG double feature, I wasn’t sure what to expect.  It was about 4pm when I walked into the lobby; the movie was scheduled to start at 4:30.  There was a line queued up already, about twenty-some people.  I got in line, found out there was a raffle, so I presented my ticket to get a number.  There were 5 soundtracks and 3 t-shirts being raffled away, either would be fine to win, I thought, though the soundtrack was the ideal (and everyone else seemed to agree.)

I didn’t win anything, sadly.  I also forgot to pick up the complimentary button/mini-poster set, so there’s that.

All told, I think there were about fifty people as we filed into the auditorium.  I got to sit the very top row, exact center, which is my preferred seat, so I was pleased with that.

This was more of a fun experience, because everyone was EXCITED to see GotG on the big screen again.  When it started, people clapped and cheered.  Throughout the movie, people clapped, cheered, awww’d and more.

The new movie… I loved it.  I know a lot of people out there have complaints, I think you’re all nuts.  It was just as good as the first, I think – and in some ways better (and in some ways, not quite as good.)

Loved the villain; he’s one of my favourite somewhat obscure villains from Marvel comics, so I really enjoyed that.  Loved the little Easter Eggs.  Did I think Stallone was the perfect casting for Stakar?  No, but he didn’t have that much screen time, and what he did, he did fine for the character as it was presented.

Loved the credit scenes.  All five of them.  Third one’s the best, but they were all good.

And the crowd was hip and into it (though about half left after the 2nd credits scene, dummies.)

So, for $8 I got a super fun experience that I’ll remember for years.  And it’s stuff like that that helps me fight the negativity and such swirling around in my brain.

As always, thanks for reading.


Fighting Depression #24 – Stumble, Fall, Get up again. (Also, dieting.)

April 25, 2017
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So, I’ve been applying for jobs over the past several weeks, using LinkedIn and Indeed mostly, applying for some directly on the company’s own sites.  Still tweaking my resume, and just trying to find something interesting (if not actually fun) to do that isn’t too strenuous on my back (or if it were, part time but also paying enough that I could live off of.)

One of the jobs I applied to on Saturday called me early yesterday morning; I was out walking Smiley, so I didn’t get the call.

Oh, for those of you who aren’t in the know, this is Smiley.  She’s a senior (at least 13 years of age, probably more) pit bull that I adopted from the shelter four years ago (the last Sunday of April 2013 she went home with me.)

In fact, here’s the pic I took the day she came home with me, at the end of the work day:

IMAG0238

And here’s a recent pic of her:

april 2017 smiley

(As you can see, she’s camera shy.  And, yes, a lot more white in her face.)

But, I digress.

So, I didn’t get their call.  They texted me to inquire if I was interested in a phone interview, I said I was and was available and they called.

I thought it went well.  We discussed the job, the responsibilities, my job history, my skills and predilection to work customer service type jobs.  I was told that my resume would be passed on for review for calling people in for in-person interviews, and if I were selected, that I would receive a call by 5pm that day.

5pm came, went, no call.

It hit me hard.  I know I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up just because *I* thought the phone interview went well, but I did.  So, I was majorly bummed out.  In a deep funk.

Late last night, finally occurred to me why.

This is only the second interview I’ve EVER had that did not end up with me being hired.  (And my first phone interview.)  Now, granted, my memory is iffy at times, so I’m willing to concede that it might be my third that never resulted in a job… but no more than that.

I guess I interview well.

But, yeah, so I was down, but once I sorted that out in my head, was feeling a little better.  Today’s been working on other stuff, then tomorrow, back to job-search related stuff.


 

So, I’ve been going to the gym twice a week for the past several weeks.

A few days ago, I started tracking my calories again.

See, back in 2010, last time I was unemployed, I got fat.  252 pounds, the heaviest I’ve ever weighed.  (Caveat – I was 252 in March 2011.  Last time I weighed myself before that was Sep 2010, and I was like 230 pounds then.  Which I’d weighed once before, in 2000.  And in 2000, I lost 30 pounds in about 3 months while working in a high volume kitchen.  So, at the time, I felt it was no worry… but I kept gaining weight, obviously.)

Right now, I’m about 220-225.  (I only weigh myself about once a week.  Weighing myself daily doesn’t do any good.)  I’ll weigh myself either tomorrow or Thurs morning.

But, anyhow.. so, March 2011, I get on the scale, I’m 252 pounds and I freak out.  I’d been going to the gym 2-3 times a week, but doing just basic stuff.  So I got myself in to the gym, talked to a personal trainer, came up with a program, was working out 4 times a week, sometimes 5.

And started counting calories.  Not really cutting out anything, just cutting back on the heavier calorie foods.

Which is what I’ve been doing (mostly; yesterday, feeling bad, kinda didn’t.  Oh, yeah, I’m an emotional eater.  Happy, sad, stressed, wired, depressed, euphoric, don’t matter, I eat.)

Anywho… using FatSecret (website and app) to track things, we’ll see how it goes.


 

Welp, that’s it for now.  As always, thanks for reading along.


Fighting Depression #23 – Tackling things one by one

April 21, 2017
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I get overwhelmed so easily.  And once I do, there’s really not much chance of me being useful until I ‘calm down’, for lack of a better term.

Tackling issues, one at a time, is the best way to avoid (and possibly get through) that.  I need to keep things simple.  Stop stressing over unemployment (there’s a couple ‘issues’ according to the system, but I’m supposed to follow procedure in the meantime.  I just DO NOT deal with uncertainties like that well.  At all.  Never have.)

So, I’m going back to making a list.  Every day, I’m going to make a list.  Put stuff to do THAT DAY on it.  Allow myself to not get them all done, but to have a list and to use that to: a) help me remember what it is I need to get done.  I am still VERY much having memory issues.  (Been happening for years, gotten worse over the past couple years.  I’m of the opinion it’s stress/depression related.), and b) to be able to look back and see what I’ve done, so if I’m beating myself up (I know, that NEVER happens…. o.0)  I can look at the list and say, “Dummy,” and yes, read that in Eli Drake’s voice, “you’ve gotten stuff done today, see?”

(If you’re wondering who Eli Drake is and why I chose him, check out this short video.)


 

So, a couple days ago, I posted a list of DVDs and Blu Rays for sale, hoping to generate some cash to help pay bills, help with groceries.

In the past three days, I’ve made (including $91 which is pending via a check-through-Paypal) approximately $200.  The first $100ish went to groceries and a utility bill.  The $91 (which should clear early/mid next week) will pay my power bill for the month, so, yay!  Many thanks to Monica, Susan, Bryan and Andrew for buying stuff, and many thanks to everyone who’s help spread the word.

I’ll be posting a 2nd “Online Yard Sale” post either tomorrow or (most likely) Sunday, with some gaming related items – board games, role-playing games, maybe even video game stuff.  Stay tuned.

As always, I thank you for reading along.  If you’re inclined to share my Online Yard Sale posts, that’d be super-grand.


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