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Fighting Depression #20 – Plummeting down

April 7, 2017
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This shouldn’t have surprised me, and I guess it’s only the depth/intensity of it that did… after the AMAZING weekend, the darkness welled up inside me again and I’ve spent the past several days being completely unproductive.

I didn’t shower yesterday… which, again, is a pretty good sign that I’m down in the funk.  I haven’t vacuumed all week, again, another sign.  (Going to do that as soon as I finish this post.)

Haven’t filed for unemployment (working on that this weekend.)  Haven’t listed anything on eBay or Amazon to sell (need to start that too.  Need money, bad.)

The worst part is, I sit there and know I need to do stuff.  I know it.  And I just… don’t.

Feeling a little better today.  Gonna do some housework, might even go mow the lawn.  (In a lot of pain today, so we’ll see – housework is a bigger priority for my mental health.)  Today is a cool day, which is helping my spirits (I’m VERY much affected by the weather, but I’m the opposite of those who get the Winter Blues – hot days are miserable to me, physically AND emotionally/mentally.)

It’s a vicious cycle.  I get unproductive, don’t do what I should be doing, and I start to beat myself up for it and it just makes things worse inside my head… the compounding interest of depression and self-recrimination is a motherfucker.

Okay, enough whining.  I need to vacuum the carpet and make breakfast.  (Oh, yeah, I didn’t get up until 11:30am, because, even though I was in bed/lights out by 2:45am, I tossed and turned for over and hour and then I was awake again at 5am, 6:20am, 8something, 10something and finally 11:30amish, which I dragged my ass out of bed.

As always, thanks for reading.  I can’t imagine this is fun.


Fighting Depression 12A – short addendum

March 8, 2017
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See, THIS is why I’m keeping this journal/blog about my depression in this fairly rough patch of time for me.

Because I forget things.  Earlier today, I posted and said that I’d not done much at all the past couple days, couldn’t think of anything of note.

But, I did do something, and I need to try to remember things and stop beating myself up over things so much.  (yay, depression)

IMG_20170308_175626

This is the curbside in front of my house.  This pic is taken from earlier today.  The piles are mostly stuff I did before today (a few of those limbs are from the roof, which I went up on and threw them off of today, but the palm fronds and about half of those branches/limbs, those were done over the past five days or so.)

I don’t think the pic captures how much there are, either.  Those palm fronds were two full double-arm loads for me (and, for those of you who haven’t met me in person – I’m 6’2″ with a 6’5″ wingspan.)  And the branches/etc, a good load and a half if not two.

So, yeah, I’ve not been quite the slacker-bum I felt like.

Boo yah!


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