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Fighting Depression #33 – The Holidays Are Here

November 24, 2017
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Been over three months (!!!) since my last Fighting Depression update.

That’s kinda a good sign; been very busy with work, which helps me not have too much time to dwell on things and beat myself up over them.  That’s not to say that I haven’t had some issues with depression, I certainly have.  A couple weeks ago, had one week that was particularly rough, pain management and depression-wise.  (And I notice that when the latter is bad, the former tends to be amplified.)

Yesterday (obviously) was Thanksgiving.  The holidays are always rough for those who deal with depression.  Especially when you’re alone.  I’m missing having someone special in my life, someone to share holidays with… and I’m also missing having friends to spend time with, hang out, share the holidays with.

Money is still tight, even making over $3/hr more than I was this time last year. It seems I’m always dancing a fine line, juggling flaming bowling balls, just hoping my car lasts long enough, hoping nothing breaks around the house, hoping my health stays outside of anything serious…

But, there are things I’m thankful for. The presence of people in my life, even if just through social media. Having a good job that pays better than I’ve ever been paid before, that has benefits, that actually takes care of their employees, instead of taking advantage of you while praising you to your face for years and then tossing you aside with no explanation given. (No, I’m not at all bitter… actually, I’m mostly not any more… it’s just that’s exactly what they did.)

I’m thankful that I’ve managed to keep my house; it’s been touch and go multiple times over the years, but I’m still here, it’s still mine. It’s not in the best condition, there’s lots of things that need to be attended to, but it keeps me comfortable/safe from the elements, keeps my critters safe and content.

I’m thankful for my critters; I’m surprised Smiley is still with us, I know she’s at least thirteen years old now, VERY likely older.. and the average life expectancy for a pit bull is usually thirteen to fifteen years. It’s my job to keep her safe and spoil her (and she’s snoring on her couch – yes, HER couch, not mine – right now, so I think I’m doing a pretty good job, there.)

The cats are happy, well-fed, comfortable, safe, too.

So, it’s an effort, but I’m reminding myself of what I’m grateful for.


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7 Days 7 Photos 7/7

October 28, 2017
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Huzzah, I completed a challenge.  Wootness abound!  Today, I’m challenging Heather, cuz she’s all sorts of photographytastic.

Rules to the challenge:

  • Black and while photos
  • Photos of your life
  • No people
  • No explanation
  • Challenge someone each day


7 Days 7 Photos 5/7

October 26, 2017
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Today’s challenge to play along goes out to one of my favourite peeps, and a cool writer, Zoe.

Rules to the challenge:

  • Black and while photos
  • Photos of your life
  • No people
  • No explanation
  • Challenge someone each day


Fighting Depression #32 – Oh, hai, I’m still alive and doing well enough.

August 20, 2017
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Wow, been fifty days since my last post here!

Been busy working, mostly six day work weeks.

When I get home after being away from the house for 10-12 hours each day, I’m exhausted and worn out (moreso each day of the week) and posting here hasn’t even really occurred to me, to be honest.

Depression hasn’t had much time to prey on me, to be honest.  This is a mostly good thing.  It has popped up occasionally, usually during my one day weekends, and, in fact, was why I haven’t gotten my oil changed, though it was due weeks ago.

I took care of that this morning, though, so fuck you, depression.

On the plus side, we have the opportunity to take every other Saturday off; my first one was a couple weeks ago, and my next one is this upcoming Saturday.  Really looking forward to a two day weekend, it’ll be indulgent.

Been catching up on tasks around the house that have been put off for months – when I had all the free time in the world (so to speak), depression was running roughshod over me.  Now, I’m so tired when I come home/get up, there’s only so much I can get accomplished… but I’m making some headway here and there.  Miles to go and all that, but headway is headway.

Here’s my checklist for today:

Slept 6.5 hours ✔
Walked Smiley ✔
Morning coffee ✔
Gave back time to loosen up for day ✔
Oil Change ✔
Shopping to restock “storm kit” ✔
Grocery shopping ✔
Publix sub for brunch ✔
Fed Smiley

Change out cat litter boxes✔
Laundry (in progress)
Climb on roof to check for storm-related dangers (limbs, etc)✔
Miscellaneous housework (in progress)
Fine tune budget for next couple weeks
(Add any other tasks that I can’t think of/have forgotten)


so, yeah, not a whole lot to report on here.  Work is decent (hot work, not too physically demanding, get along with everyone on my crew, bosses aren’t the best but not the worst I’ve ever worked for, pay is better than I’ve ever made in my life by several $ per hour), don’t have a lot of free time.  Getting lonely, would love to find a gaming group or something like that, but not sure about time commitments.  Would love to find someone to date, but options are limited (and time is limited, so she’d have to be understanding as all get out.)

Will try to post before too long.

As always, thanks for reading.

Fighting Depression #31 – Things are going pretty well right now.

July 1, 2017
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The new job is good, but very demanding/taxing.  Working overtime most days, so away from the house half a day, and when I’m home, I’m exhausted/beat.

(Four day weekend for the holiday right now, so that’s rather exciting.  Conversely, we’ll be working next Saturday, so that week we’ll only have a one day weekend.  Bah.  I think it’s funny, considering that I had what amounts to a five and third month long weekend for the first half of the year.)

The work is interesting enough – I’m officially a “Press Line Operator” or a “Machine Operator” (I’ve seen my title referred to as both.)  I’ve been trained on nine machines (flatteners, stakers, piercer/deburrers, knurlers), and as of this past week, I’ve also been trained and spending about half my time in the wash station (which I refer to as the “dish pit”, as it strongly reminds me of that.)

The work is hot (especially in the dish pit) – temperatures of 100F plus are common.  (Our shift starts at 3pm, and since 3-6 is generally the warmest part of the day, it tends to get cooler as the shift goes on, fortunately.  Days where it rains makes a huge difference, too.)  But I don’t really mind hot work; there’s plenty of fans, so it’s (mostly) tolerable.  (And, depending on the temperature, we are eligible for extra breaks in the air conditioned break rooms.)

The work is physical, especially in the dish pit (lifting baskets/dumping them in in the machine, reloading, etc, plus another part of the job is ferrying stacks to their next stop.)  I don’t mind physical, but after 5+ months of a mostly sedentary life, it’s taking a bit to get used to.  The past couple days seemed to be less taxing, so we’ll see how it continues.

The people I work with are very cool, for the most part.  I’ve gotten friendly with a few folks already, and everyone else ranges from politely aloof to cordial.

I’m being paid several dollars an hour more than at the shelter (no surprise, this is a big corporation vs a small non-profit that really didn’t appreciate its workforce), but I’m in a higher tax bracket, so not bringing home quite as much more as you’d think.  (Still, with the overtime, I’ll have brought home in two weeks what I’d have brought home in 2/3rds of a month from the shelter.  This will greatly help in catching up on the debt I’ve accrued this year.)

Being busy and productive and bringing in cash and being social is very good for me, mentally.  It’s keeping my depression/issues fairly quiet for the time being.  Doubts and fears and such are still there, but the voices are drowned out by everything else going on, at least for the time being.

Here’s hoping this trend continues.

As always, thank you for reading along.

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