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Fighting Depression #29 – I’m still here!

June 9, 2017
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So, 15 days gone by, not a post from me.  (sheepish grin)

Let’s see… quick recap, bullet points style!

  • I’m still unemployed.  Still collecting unemployment (“ReEmployment Assistance” in Florida.)  Still putting out applications left and right (minimum required to be on RA is 5/week, I’m exceeding that every week.)
  • I have a job interview next week; I’m nervous as fuck about it.  I did a phone interview, and then an online assessment and now the next step is in-person interview.  This would be a cool job, I think, and it’s 2nd shift (I’m so not a morning person, so that’s a good thing) and it’s manufacturing, so the pay should be more than I was making.  (And, while I’m not really about money, I do like being able to pay bills and the like… plus I’ve accrued some extra debt doing the jobless thing the past five months.)
  • Technically, tomorrow will be five months from when I found out that I was being fired for no reason.  (Yes, I’m still bitter about that.  Even though, from things I hear, I think it’s a good thing I’m not there any more.  Let’s just say, standards have fallen.)
  • I’m scraping by, I’m managing.  Selling stuff online and making some here and there, finding some money I had squirreled away in an envelope three years ago and completely forgot about helps.  I’m starting to look into other avenues should the ReEmployment Assistance run out before I find a job, and there are avenues.
  • Been going to the gym, twice a week most weeks (there was a ten day stretch between visits a couple weeks ago, so that wasn’t good.)  I’m thinking about boosting it three times a week.  Better for my weight loss (which is happening, been about a pound a week most weeks), better for my mental health, too.
  • Saw two new release movies, one last week, one this week.  Last week was ALIEN: COVENANT (I enjoyed it, it wasn’t great, but it was fun) and this week was WONDER WOMAN (oh, so very awesome, loved it.)  I paid $6 to see both of them (did a blood donation a couple weeks ago, and got a $10 Gift Card to EPIC THEATRES.  On Tuesdays, it’s “Discount Day”, shows are $6, $8 on the XL Screen – and, trust me, superhero and scifi movies are MUCH better on that bigger screen.  So worth the extra $2.)
  • I have good, productive days and I have bad days.  Time is starting to get tighter in regards to a steady income (such that it is), so I’m going to have to force myself to have more good, productive days.  I have a plan for the weekend and even early next week.  Plans and lists are tools that help me stay on track, or get back on track when I derail.

So, that’s it, in a nutshell.  Pretty much a holding pattern/same-old, same-old the past few weeks.  Hopefully, this coming week brings good news, but if not, then I’ve got to go into overdrive.  While I’m waiting for that, working on things, looking into avenues, the like.

As always, I thank you for reading.


Fighting Depression #24 – Stumble, Fall, Get up again. (Also, dieting.)

April 25, 2017
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So, I’ve been applying for jobs over the past several weeks, using LinkedIn and Indeed mostly, applying for some directly on the company’s own sites.  Still tweaking my resume, and just trying to find something interesting (if not actually fun) to do that isn’t too strenuous on my back (or if it were, part time but also paying enough that I could live off of.)

One of the jobs I applied to on Saturday called me early yesterday morning; I was out walking Smiley, so I didn’t get the call.

Oh, for those of you who aren’t in the know, this is Smiley.  She’s a senior (at least 13 years of age, probably more) pit bull that I adopted from the shelter four years ago (the last Sunday of April 2013 she went home with me.)

In fact, here’s the pic I took the day she came home with me, at the end of the work day:


And here’s a recent pic of her:

april 2017 smiley

(As you can see, she’s camera shy.  And, yes, a lot more white in her face.)

But, I digress.

So, I didn’t get their call.  They texted me to inquire if I was interested in a phone interview, I said I was and was available and they called.

I thought it went well.  We discussed the job, the responsibilities, my job history, my skills and predilection to work customer service type jobs.  I was told that my resume would be passed on for review for calling people in for in-person interviews, and if I were selected, that I would receive a call by 5pm that day.

5pm came, went, no call.

It hit me hard.  I know I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up just because *I* thought the phone interview went well, but I did.  So, I was majorly bummed out.  In a deep funk.

Late last night, finally occurred to me why.

This is only the second interview I’ve EVER had that did not end up with me being hired.  (And my first phone interview.)  Now, granted, my memory is iffy at times, so I’m willing to concede that it might be my third that never resulted in a job… but no more than that.

I guess I interview well.

But, yeah, so I was down, but once I sorted that out in my head, was feeling a little better.  Today’s been working on other stuff, then tomorrow, back to job-search related stuff.


So, I’ve been going to the gym twice a week for the past several weeks.

A few days ago, I started tracking my calories again.

See, back in 2010, last time I was unemployed, I got fat.  252 pounds, the heaviest I’ve ever weighed.  (Caveat – I was 252 in March 2011.  Last time I weighed myself before that was Sep 2010, and I was like 230 pounds then.  Which I’d weighed once before, in 2000.  And in 2000, I lost 30 pounds in about 3 months while working in a high volume kitchen.  So, at the time, I felt it was no worry… but I kept gaining weight, obviously.)

Right now, I’m about 220-225.  (I only weigh myself about once a week.  Weighing myself daily doesn’t do any good.)  I’ll weigh myself either tomorrow or Thurs morning.

But, anyhow.. so, March 2011, I get on the scale, I’m 252 pounds and I freak out.  I’d been going to the gym 2-3 times a week, but doing just basic stuff.  So I got myself in to the gym, talked to a personal trainer, came up with a program, was working out 4 times a week, sometimes 5.

And started counting calories.  Not really cutting out anything, just cutting back on the heavier calorie foods.

Which is what I’ve been doing (mostly; yesterday, feeling bad, kinda didn’t.  Oh, yeah, I’m an emotional eater.  Happy, sad, stressed, wired, depressed, euphoric, don’t matter, I eat.)

Anywho… using FatSecret (website and app) to track things, we’ll see how it goes.


Welp, that’s it for now.  As always, thanks for reading along.

Fighting Depression #2

February 7, 2017
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So, yesterday… what’d I do yesterday?

Got a Redbox movie rental for $0.27, thanks to a promo code for being signed up to their text messages.  (If you Redbox, it’s totally worth it.  Most weeks, maybe one message.  Only more on special occasions and promo codes.)

So, I got Edge of Winter with Joe Kinnaman(sp?) and Tom Holland.  Pretty good movie, very atmospheric and tense… sadly the preview I saw on another disc pretty much gave away 90% of plot/twists/story, so it wasn’t as powerful as it would’ve been otherwise.  I fucking hate how much essential stuff they give away in previews any more.

Had Chili dogs, salad and a dark ‘n stormy for dinner, so that was fun.  Food is a big deal to me, as I’m sure anyone who follows me on social media knows.  So, a fun meal like that, that’s important to my mental health.

(And, yes, I know I have to be careful about my weight, especially now that I’m four weeks into not working a physical job.  I did sign up at CRUNCH DELTONA and am waiting for them to open later this month.

Ordered some canned cat and dog food off Amazon, so I now have enough for 2 months-plus.  One less thing to have to worry about, so that’s a good thing.

Plans for the rest of the week: general housework (been hit-or-miss with that, yay depression), some yard work (Thurs is yard trash pick up day, so I’m going to bundle some branches and bag up some other yard debris today and tomorrow), and I’m thinking I’m going to go see DOCTOR STRANGE at the $2 Theatre.  (I missed seeing it during full price run last year.)  Oh, and here’s my thoughts on Doctor Strange from a few years back. I’ll let you know what I think of their approach after I see the movie.

This weekend, a couple WWN wrestling events on FloSlam will be live, so that’s always a good thing for me.  Also, have a couple events of the “Secret Season” of CHIKARA to watch, and another wXw event from last week on FloSlam that I haven’t seen yet.

Been watching a fair amount of tv and movies, so that’s kinda cool, too.

Money wise, I’m doing ‘ok’.  I need to get off my ass, get stuff listed on Amazon and eBay and hopefully start making some that way, too.

This post is the 2nd of the FIGHTING DEPRESSION series.  You can find the first one here.


Working out again…

May 22, 2012
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…for the first time in almost half a year.  Yep, haven’t been to the gym since December.

Found my old YOGA FOR REAL GUYS discs, started with a Diamond Dozen/Energy work out.  Used my new yoga mat (well my only one, but one I just bought last month, yay, Amazon gift cards!) A great workout, and looking forward to getting serious about working out again.

Ordered a heart rate monitor (yay, Amazon gift cards, yay surveys) so I can use that to properly do the workouts, too.

Posted in Weight Loss

Weight management update

December 10, 2011
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So for the past week-plus, I’ve stopped counting calories. I’m still eating with the same habits, just not logging every meal, counting every calorie.

So far, it’s worked. I’m staying at that 190-195 range. And that’s without going to the gym at all, just being active at work. (Yeah, I’m close to six weeks of no gym. The plan is to change that this coming week.)

I’m pretty happy with things. I needed to step back from the daily counting. And it’s working perfectly.

Posted in Weight Loss

Weight Loss/Physical Progress

November 14, 2011
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Due to back issues, I haven’t been to the gym in three weeks. I’m still active at work 4-5 days a week, so that’s not as bad a thing as it sounds. I’ve been doing some exercises at home a few days a week to help compensate, as well. I’m still maintaining between 192-195#, so I’m happy with things – but I need to get back in the gym. I need to focus on burning the rest of the belly fat, get more tone there, plus I want to beef up (just a little, nothing massive) my arms, shoulders, chest.

I’ve had a couple slips in my diet, but nothing major. I’m on a maintenance level and am allowed ~2500 calories a day. I need to get better at balancing heavy lunches with lighter dinners and vice versa (I was good at it, just need to get back into that habit.)

Wearing a support brace has helped with my back issues – though I’m still using a heating pad most nights in bed.

Posted in Weight Loss

Changing my exercise/weight focus – 7 months in.

October 3, 2011
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As of today, I’m changing from a weight loss program to a weight maintenance and physique improvement program. Before, my goal was reduction of my weight – I originally had a goal of 200 pounds, got there and went down to 193. As it stands right now, my waist is down to 37″ – I haven’t been smaller than a 38″ in 5 years. I still have a little tightening to do, a little fat to be burned off the waist, but my love handles are NOWHERE near as handle-riffic as before.

I started my weight loss under 7 months ago – mid March. I’ve lost 59 pounds in that time period. This week is messed up, b/c of the strain I did to my neck/back, but I want to get up to 3 or 4 days a week at the gym. I want to start focusing on further improving my muscle tone – I have made great progress already. I have great definition on my shoulders, my biceps are bigger than they’ve been in many years, I lost my man boobs, and I can see the beginning of tone appearing on my belly.

My long term goal is to be in as good shape as I was 20 years ago by time I hit my 43rd birthday, next September. I’m going to start tracking my measurements – chest (currently 38″), waist (37″), biceps (13″), etc. I need to further strengthen my lower back (as evidenced by the recent strain.)

Also, I’m going to start working out at home. I’m likely going to incorporate elements of both the P90X workout with YRG (Yoga for Regular Guys) elements. I’ll be using some personal experience workout training from my days studying karate (I wish I had the money to enroll at a local dojo… but perhaps in time.) Another arena I need to improve is my endurance; I’m no slouch but I want to be better. That means more frequently going to the gym, even if just for time on the exercise bike or elliptical. (Again, more money would be nice – I would love to have an exercise bike at home – could do that while watching my telly/movies at the same time.)

So, that’s the plan as it stands right now.

Posted in Weight Loss

Weight loss, exercise and other random musings

September 11, 2011
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Hard to believe that six months ago, I was 252 pounds. This is me at 196 pounds (taken less than an hour ago.)

(Yes, that’s a Jinx sticker on my bathroom mirror. I’m a geek, you shouldn’t be surprised.)

Getting back into shape, getting more muscles/definition is making me feel better about myself. This is apparent to others, as I’ve been getting compliments from friends, acquaintances and complete strangers. Just yesterday, one of my volunteers told me that several young women visiting the shelter had been speaking complimentary about “the guy with long hair walking the dogs”.

It’s also making me want to get back into karate or kickboxing (I think they call it MMA these days), or maybe take up boxing. Not that I have the money to afford classes right now, but it’s the yearning I have associated with my getting into better shape.

A Tweep asked me today if I try to get my daily intake as close to my daily limit as possible. No, but most days I do – currently I’m on a 2020 intake (though, extra exertion/exercise allows for me to consume more, which is good.) Tonight, I had lunch at work, came home had some sushi and was still hungry, so had two turkey tacos (mmm, alliteration), and ice cream for dessert, and still could eat 400+ calories and be in my goal for the day.

It’s all about listening to your body. If you’re hungry (and honestly, I don’t buy that “if you think you’re hungry, you’re probably just thirsty” philosophy I’ve had half a dozen peeps and tweeps toss at me since I started dieting – trust me, I know the difference between hunger and thirst, and I think most people do if they pay attention to their body), then eat. If you’re not, then don’t. End of.

I totally forgot I was a member of the Google Music Beta. (tee hee) So I’m listening to all the free music I have there, which is pretty cool.

My birthday is coming up soon – Saturday the 17th. I still am behind on my mortgage and other bills, so any cash birthday presents will be happily accepted – you can Paypal them to me at terryfl (at) gmail (you know the rest) or contact me to find alternate ways. Also, I’ve got 42 comic book auctions on eBay ending on my 42nd birthday – know any comic peeps, please let them know. is my custom shortlink URL.

Calorie counting and zero/low calorie beverages

August 29, 2011

I’m sure you’ve heard someone snark about someone in a fast food joint ordering a greasy burger, a large french fries and a diet soda, acting all superior and judgmental, and pretending they’re the first person to say that (wasn’t it part of someone’s stand up comedy routine?)

I’ll admit I used to chuckle at the irony (unlike rain on a wedding day, Canadians, this is irony) of that, but you know what? It makes sense and it works.

The success to my weight loss (50 pounds in 5 months) is a simple two-part plan – more exercise and counting calories, sticking to a goal designed to help me lose weight. Again, you cannot argue with my success. On a regular “active day”, I’m allowed 2100 calories. At 3-5 meals and 1-3 snacks, that adds up pretty fast.

I’d rather drink zero calories, or as few as possible, during the course of most days, and save my calories for food. If I can eat 2000 calories and drink water, Splenda-sweetened iced tea and/or diet soda all day, that’s way better than having to “budget” calories for my drinks.

Example – 12 ounces (one can) of Pepsi (sorry, I prefer Pepsi to Coke) is 150 calories. Today, I had 12 cups of water during the day (8 at work, 4 during my work out at the gym.) On the way home, I stopped at Five Guys Burgers and Fries for a special treat – I had the calories budgeted for it, so why not? A bacon cheeseburger and regular fries is 1540 calories, so I decided to go with a zero calorie drink, but I was TIRED of having water, I wanted something with flavour, and didn’t have any iced tea made up at home (or any Kool-Aid, I also make that with Splenda.) I tried a sip of diet coke and coke zero, and while I didn’t find them as heinous as I have in the past, they’re still not for me. (I can do Diet Pepsi, Pepsi Max, and several of the Publix diet sodas that I’ve tried with no problem, so far.)

But they had Gold Peak Unsweetened black iced tea, so I gave it a shot – and it was good! I got a 32 ounce cup, drank at least four ounces, so 36 ounces of Pepsi would have been another 450 calories (and I only have 476 left in my daily goal, even after all that food – since I did extra physical work, I’m allocated extra calories for the day.)

Again, I did 12 cups of water today – in non-diet soda, we’re looking at 1200 calories.

So, remember this – sticking to diet drinks or water or low calorie drinks and eating non-diet foods DOES make sense. I’m not eating all diet food – I’ve cut back on the worst offenders as far as calories go (burgers, red beef, sausages, pasta), but by no means have I cut them out of my diet – and I never will. I’ve upped my fruit and salad intake (which never was bad in the first place.)

Posted in Food, Weight Loss

200 pounds, bitches

August 19, 2011

Phase One of “Get into shape, Fat Ass” is complete. After 5 months, I have reached 200 pounds (ok, 200.2, but that cool enough for school.) That’s 52 pounds in 5 months and change. Now the focus changes to gut reduction and body strengthening.

Posted in Weight Loss
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