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Fighting Depression #28 – Today was a bad day.

May 25, 2017
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Today, everything just came slamming down on me, mentally and emotionally.

It was a bad day.  A very bad day.

I’m okay, though.  Not gonna beat myself up for having a shit day and doing pretty much nothing all day.

Gonna chill for a little bit, try to get to bed before long, and tomorrow’s a new day.  I have a game plan for the rest of the week.  I will get things done, I will take care of business.

But, damn, did today hurt.



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Fighting Depression #12 – Ups and Down

March 8, 2017

Been another six days since my last post in this series.  Since then, been kinda busy some days, been super slacky some days.

Last Thursday, I treated myself to seeing DOCTOR STRANGE on the big screen at the $2 Theatre – you can read my post and my thoughts about it here.  It was a decent day, started the day with yard work and video gaming and coffee, the afternoon was movie and Burger King, then the evening was mostly chilling at home.

I was still hurting from the super-physical days doing the volunteering for the parking (best detailed in the link to my last post), so I haven’t been to the gym yet.  Honestly, it wasn’t until this past Sunday, one whole week later, that I was able to walk without limping/favouring my left foot.  I intend to make it to the gym tomorrow or Friday for my first visit, and then get into a regular schedule, three or four days a week.  (I’ll have to start slow/easy and work up to things.)

Trying to think what I’ve done these past few days – I know yesterday I basically sat on my ass and played NO MAN’S SKY all day.  Did a little (very little) housework here and there, took Smiley for a couple walks, and that’s really about it.  Oh, watched S1E9 of EMERALD CITY (still liking it, have my doubts whether it’ll get renewed.  I know the next episode is the end of season one, so hopefully we’ll hear soon – and hopefully it’ll be picked up for a second season.  I think it has a lot of potential.)

I’ve watched a few movies, read some books, just nothing really exciting going on.  Did a grocery run in there.

Today, I’ve been pretty productive.  Got up on the roof and cleared off some branches that had fallen during Hurricane Matthew in October.  I need to get up there with my blower and get all the leaves off, but that’s a project for another day.

Also, this happened today, so that’s kinda exciting:


What is so exciting about this, you ask?  The washer is brand new, got delivered today.

Story time…

I haven’t had a (working) washer/dryer in my house since… I wanna say 2003.  When I bought the house in Nov 2000, my uncle Roy and my father came over and put in wiring for a dryer.  I got one of those stackable washer/dryer combos (still in my back laundry room – the pic you see is in the back ‘patio’) and used it for several years.

I don’t recall exactly when, but I know by 2004, I was using a laundromat.  In March 2003, my father died, so it was probably some time after that the wiring burned out.  Instead of having someone come look at it, I just started using laundromats or other people’s washer/dryers.

For the past almost six years, I was doing my laundry at the shelter.  So, when I got fired in January, that stopped.  I did a laundromat run, and felt that I could save money by getting a small apartment/portable washer and dryer for the house.

So, I did.  The dryer, pictured above, is a 2.65 cubit feet Panda portable 110v dryer that I bought through Amazon.  I needed a 110v unit, cuz no working 220v wiring, and this is great – it’s small and it takes a lot longer to do a load than a full size, but it works well.

I’d also originally bought a Panda Counter Top Small Portable Compact Washing Machine (10 lbs Capacity)  to go with it.  This isn’t bad, but it doesn’t have a spin feature, so the clothes are REALLY wet when you take them out – way wetter than that little dryer can handle in remotely a reasonable amount of time.  Seriously, it took 4-5 hours to dry four shirts.

So, I bought a laundry drying rack.  The only issue with this is that I have no real clear sunshine in the back yard (too many trees), so I have to stick it out in the driveway to get the sun.  And, while I’ve been doing that for a month now, I’m not all that keen on it.  (Basically, I’d wash the clothes, wring them out, put them on the drying rack, and then, after an hour or so, throw them in the dryer with a fabric softener cloth to finish the job.)

The other issue is that the small washer just doesn’t do a good rinse.  I’d empty the water out, fill again, run a rinse cycle, and it’d be soapy afterwards.  Empty/fill/rinse again, and still so.  Reduce the amount of laundry soap even further, and still soapy.  So I’d have to hose off the laundry after taking out of the washer.  (And, beyond it being an inconvenience and using just as much, if not more, water than a full-size washer, I have to be careful because I have allergies to all sorts of chemicals – I buy the free and clear version of laundry soap, but even if there’s soap residue dried in, my skin can react poorly.)

So, long story short (too late), I bit the bullet and got a proper washer.  Delivered earlier today, I installed it myself, and I’ve run two loads (a small load of shirts/underwear, now currently in the dryer) and a floor mat (which is too heavy when wet for the little dryer, period, so it’s on the laundry rack drying in the sun.)

Feels good to have a more proper set up in the house.  I still want to get a better dryer, but that’s for down the road.  (I want to get a natural gas one, as I have natural gas for the house – my water heater runs off it.  But, again, that’s not going to happen any time soon.)

Anyhow, going to do some dishes and then I think I’ve earned some sit down and gaming time.

As always, I thank you for reading.

Fighting Depression #4 – Two days of boo-yah!

February 9, 2017
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By now I would’ve normally posted #4, covering yesterday (Feb 8th).  That was my plan.  I got up about 11am (well, got up shortly after 8am, maybe 5 hours of sleep, starving.  Ate something and went back to bed.)  After taking Smiley for a walk, I brewed a cup of coffee and sat down to load up something to stream/watch (probably S1E21 of Once Upon a Time), only to discover my internet was misbehaving.

After tinkering with it, to no avail, I called Spectrum (they’ll always be Bright House to me, especially since they still have BH logos on their trucks) and they told me that they could get a guy out between 4-6pm.

I’d planned on a relatively lax day, because of yesterday.  So, let me backtrack and tell you about yesterday.

Yesterday, Wednesday, I got up about 10:30am, had a nice breakfast and coffee (without internet issues) and took Smiley for a walk, and then I set about being productive.  I bundled up two large stacks of branches and collected two 39 gallon/lawn & leaf bags of small yard debris.

This, of course, was quite taxing on my back.  Once that was done, I took a shower and had lunch, and then my portable clothes washer was delivered, so I started doing some laundry!  (Yeah, I know, but this is exciting to me.)

Rest of the day was watching tv, movie (Adventures of Robin Hood, which I hadn’t seen in years.  Still love it), playing video games and doing laundry.  Oh, yeah, dinner (thawed out some of my homemade venison chili, cooked up some mac n cheese and mixed it together) and taking Smiley for walks.

So, today, I wake up in a good deal of pain, figuring it’s going to be a lazy-ish day to recuperate.

No.  Because of the Spectrum guy coming over to address my internet issues, I have to clean the living room.  It’s a fucking mess.  I really wish I’d taken a before pic and an after, because, my god, it looks ten times better.  First off, I’d not vacuumed the carpet in WEEKS.

Yay, depression.

So, I vacuumed the fuck out of that carpet.  I moved things, organised, stacked things.  The living room is OPEN now.  The cats are laying the center of the floor, saying, “Yeah, you need to keep it this way.”

And my back doesn’t feel horrible, either… so I’m grateful for that.

But, yeah, I’m feeling good about the stuff I got done the past two days.  Tonight, watching some free wrestling PPVs on Fite TV, watching a movie, maybe some telly.  Making burgers for dinner.

Tomorrow, I need to run to the library; have to return some movies and pick up two movies I have on reservation.  Some more laundry (having the smaller units, it takes a lot longer to do laundry, and it’d been several weeks since I’d been to the laundromat.)

Thanks to those of you who are reading along.  This is post #4 of the Fighting Depression series of posts, something I’m doing to help account/keep track of how I’m doing from day to day, and hopefully share my journey.

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Fighting Depression #2

February 7, 2017
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So, yesterday… what’d I do yesterday?

Got a Redbox movie rental for $0.27, thanks to a promo code for being signed up to their text messages.  (If you Redbox, it’s totally worth it.  Most weeks, maybe one message.  Only more on special occasions and promo codes.)

So, I got Edge of Winter with Joe Kinnaman(sp?) and Tom Holland.  Pretty good movie, very atmospheric and tense… sadly the preview I saw on another disc pretty much gave away 90% of plot/twists/story, so it wasn’t as powerful as it would’ve been otherwise.  I fucking hate how much essential stuff they give away in previews any more.

Had Chili dogs, salad and a dark ‘n stormy for dinner, so that was fun.  Food is a big deal to me, as I’m sure anyone who follows me on social media knows.  So, a fun meal like that, that’s important to my mental health.

(And, yes, I know I have to be careful about my weight, especially now that I’m four weeks into not working a physical job.  I did sign up at CRUNCH DELTONA and am waiting for them to open later this month.

Ordered some canned cat and dog food off Amazon, so I now have enough for 2 months-plus.  One less thing to have to worry about, so that’s a good thing.

Plans for the rest of the week: general housework (been hit-or-miss with that, yay depression), some yard work (Thurs is yard trash pick up day, so I’m going to bundle some branches and bag up some other yard debris today and tomorrow), and I’m thinking I’m going to go see DOCTOR STRANGE at the $2 Theatre.  (I missed seeing it during full price run last year.)  Oh, and here’s my thoughts on Doctor Strange from a few years back. I’ll let you know what I think of their approach after I see the movie.

This weekend, a couple WWN wrestling events on FloSlam will be live, so that’s always a good thing for me.  Also, have a couple events of the “Secret Season” of CHIKARA to watch, and another wXw event from last week on FloSlam that I haven’t seen yet.

Been watching a fair amount of tv and movies, so that’s kinda cool, too.

Money wise, I’m doing ‘ok’.  I need to get off my ass, get stuff listed on Amazon and eBay and hopefully start making some that way, too.

This post is the 2nd of the FIGHTING DEPRESSION series.  You can find the first one here.


Fighting Depression #1

February 5, 2017
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2 years, 3 months, 17 days since my last post on this blog.  Yeah, I’m cool like that.

So… if you remotely pay attention to me on social media and the like, you probably have little to no idea that I fight depression.  I battle it.  I struggle with it.

Now, I’m self-diagnosed, so maybe it’s something slightly different, but pretty sure it’s depression.  That’s neither here nor there.

Also, I got fired from my job, for no reason (at least none that they’ve bothered to tell me… and I haven’t brought myself to write a letter to the board of directors, because I doubt they’d even respond.)  So… yeah, past few weeks, depression has been real ugly.

I’m going to start posting… daily?  Every couple days?  I dunno, something like that, about my depression.  Mainly, what I’m doing to fight it.  I’m going to do this, to put it out there, to hold myself accountable… and to have a record, where I can look and see for myself.

Y’all are welcome to come along for the ride.

So, with that in mind, today, Sunday the 5th of February, I did the following:

I set up the clothes dryer that got delivered.

I went to the library and checked out three movies and two books.

Took Smiley (my pit bull) for several walks throughout the day.

I washed my car, for the first time in… I’m not even sure.  More than a year, I’m thinking.  Certainly AT LEAST a good 9-10 months.  I’m thinking closer to 18 months?  I honestly have no idea.

And I posted to my blog for the first time in 840 days.

All in all, not a bad day, right?


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Why Marvel Is Going About Doctor Strange All Wrong…

October 20, 2014

(Yeah, I know, I’m just a wannabe writer who thinks he knows better than a highly successful multimedia conglomerate run by one of the biggest companies ever.  Still, that’s what the internet is all about, right?)

So, apparently, a Doctor Strange movie is in the works.  I saw a headline about actors being considered for the role of Stephen Strange – Benedict Cumberbatch, Joaquin Phoenix, Colin Farrell and Keanu Reeves.  (The first and last I think are not good choices for the role, the middle two would be decent if they were going for a grittier feel, which I really don’t expect.)


They’re doing it wrong.

DOCTOR STRANGE should start as a tv show.  (I know, I know, everyone thinks movies.  Big money.  Star power – though, to be fair, we’re seeing a new golden age of star power in tv shows lately.)  It shouldn’t be a movie, not at first.

The story of Stephen Strange is one of redemption.  That’s what makes it an interesting story.  Redemption and growth and maturation.

See, I’m not a big fan of “Doctor Strange, Sorcerer Supreme of Earth”.  He’s the most powerful sorcerer on Earth already.

Whoop de doo.

Now, what interests me is the story of him becoming that.

See, Stephen Strange is a dick.  He’s a pompous, self-centered, highly skilled surgeon.  And he knows it.  He knows he’s great looking and desirable and successful and wealthy.  He’s all about the $$$ and the high falutin’ lifestyle and fast cars and faster women and booze and drugs and whatnot.

Then, after being in a car accident, he loses his ability to operate, spends all his savings, ends up homeless and then goes searching for help, eventually going to Tibet to find The Ancient One, who takes him on as a pupil and teaches him sorcery, so he can become Earth’s defender against mystical dangers.

Now, I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a great first season to a tv show.  A show that could run 2-3 seasons, then end, leading into a series of movies.

Start small.  The first season would lead us to Tibet and end with Stephen becoming The Ancient One’s disciple.  It’d probably work best as an eight episode season, maybe ten or thirteen tops.  The first episode ends with the car crash.  The second one shows his becoming desperate, trying to find a fix for his hands, blowing money traveling the world finding specialists, consulting… then maybe trying illegal treatments.

The third, maybe fourth episode, he ends up in Tibet.  Then the rest of the series, proving himself to The Ancient One, facing his inner demons, and some outer ones, too.  And the first season ends with some hope.  Maybe we’d have introduced the idea that the car accident was set in motion by otherworldly forces, trying to kill him off, so he would never realise his true potential… or, with my usual plot twisty flair, I’d make him think that was the reason, but in reality, someone (The Ancient One?  One of his peers?) actually influenced events so it would happen so he would end up seeking out The Ancient One and becoming a disciple.

Baron Mordo would feature heavily in the tv show; his rivalry as a fellow disciple of The Ancient One would start in the first season, bleeding over into the second where he becomes the main adversary for Stephen.

The show would end (after a couple-three seasons), with Stephen ascending to the mantle of Sorcerer Supreme, and then that would lead to a series of movies with some major plots of interdimensional forces, the sort of thing you can do with the big budget of a major studio movie.

At least, that’s how I’d do it.

Not a resolution, but a goal.

January 1, 2014
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Twelve goals, to be precise.

Twelve stories.

One written each month.  Posted the following.  I’m hoping to have my writing website up before long, but if not in time, I imagine I’ll post here. 

With many of the stories, I’m hoping to have a theme tied (loosely or not) to the month, or a holiday that month.

The first story, which I’ll be writing this month, stars Seamus Lorcan O’Brien in a mystery.  The title is “For Whom the Bell Tolls”.  I’m hoping it’ll be half as fun as I think it will be. 

Thoughts on 2013

December 31, 2013
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I started to do a personal year in review post, but damn, that’s some depressing shit.  The short of it is – depression is kicking my ass.  Bad.  

So, some of the cooler things of 2013, in no particular order:

  • I got to see two Chikara shows live and in person, in Tampa and Orlando.  Chikara is my new favourite wrestling federation (though, currently “out of commission” as part of a storyline) and going to see them live in their first ever visit to Florida was a big deal for me. I even stayed over night in Tampa, got a hotel room, and visited my parents’ graves at the Florida National Cemetery in Brooksville on the way back from Tampa on Saturday.
  • Two new players joined my BORN OF BLOOD role-playing campaign, which is going pretty well.  We lost one of the original two, so their joining about a month before he left was great timing.  And it looks like we’ll have a fourth (fifth?) player joining early next year. 
  • Some really good entertainment out there.  Comics wise, the big three for me are:
  1. The conclusion of Joe Hill and Gabriel Rodriguez’s LOCKE & KEY.  Wow, what a fantastic story.  It started in 2008, I came aboard in 2011, got caught up and then decided to wait until the last seven issues (five of OMEGA and two of ALPHA) were released before reading them.  In fact, I re-read the first five series before reading the last two.  Fantastic.
  2. Dan Slott’s SUPERIOR SPIDER-MAN.  This is the best thing Marvel comics has put out in decades.  Seriously.  Doc Ock swapped bodies with Spider-Man and Doc’s body died.  So, the Spider-Man body houses the mind of Otto Octavius and he’s become a super-hero now.  This description doesn’t remotely do it justice; I assure you, it is amazing and phenomenal.
  3. Brian K Vaughan and Marcos Martin’s The Private Eye.  A digital-only comic, pay what you want.  They’re expecting it to run ten issues, number five just came out.  Most excellent. 
  • Saw some really good movies; notably, AMERICAN MARY, THOR: THE DARK WORLD, RIDDICK, THE GREAT GATSBY, GRAVITY, IRON MAN 3, MAN OF STEEL, MAMA, EUROPA REPORT are the ones that come to mind that I enjoyed the most that were released this year.  
  • I watched a lot of good movies this year, just not released this year.  I used to keep track of the movies I watched each month on this blog, and I think I’m going to start doing that again.
  • Book wise, I read very few books that were released this year.  Again, used to keep better track of them, need to do so again. 
  • Some really good songs I heard from this year, but can’t think of any.  Any motivation I had to find a way to look them up is gone (that’s that nasty depression kicking in, so this post will be ending shortly.)
  • TV wise… some great tv out there, but it all got overshadowed by the 50th anniversary special of Doctor Who for me.  
  • Writing… well I finished my Classic Doctor Who viewing and blogging project, so that’s something.  I started a short story but didn’t finish it.  That’s about it for writing, outside of my RPG campaign (see above.)  2014, I do have a plan to do twelve short stories, one each month.  We’ll see how that goes. 

So, yeah, that’s my year.  Hope y’all had a better one than I did.  


Return To The Gym

August 13, 2013
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Approximately twenty months after my last visit to a gym, I joined my friend Kenny as a guest on his account tonight at the Planet Fitness in DeLand, FL.  Kenny’s been looking for someone to help him stay motivated in going to the gym, and I needed to get back in the gym, and I can go for free as his guest, so why not?

Met him today ~5:30pm.  (Saw one of my helpers from the shelter, guy named Sean, there, too, which was kinda cool.)  We did half an hour on the treadmills, then did some machines for a combo arms/shoulder/back workout.  

I’ve got some aches and pains going on, expect more tomorrow.  But, been down this road before, so no big deal.  

Yes, I’m getting proactive about my weight again.  It’s not as bad as early 2011, when I had ballooned up to 252#.  I’m 215#, a gain of approximately twenty-two pounds since the last time I weighed in on, September of 2011.  So, really, 22# in two years isn’t bad.  (Thank goodness I work a physical job, right?)  

I’ll be moderating my calories again, as that plus working out did the trick two years ago (again, almost 60# lost in six months, I was pretty proud of myself.)  

So, I’m writing…

April 8, 2013

Yep.  Started a short story.  That already looks like it’s not gonna be horribly short.  Unless I go with a lot of hand-waving and go with an easy ending.  Which I might do, because it’s meant to be part of a bigger story… I don’t do short fiction, I don’t think I’m capable, really.  

Anyhow, it’s a setting I’ve had in my head for years – Morpheus: City of Dreams.  Basically, when people dream, they go to the dreamlands.  Morpheus is one of those dreamlands.  There are residents who live there, non-dreamers, but there are many dreamers.  And anything is possible.  Well, almost.  

The story is “Whence the boom? (A Morpheus: City of Dreams tale)”, and is about a private dick named Cassidy Jonas (yes, it’s a loose twist on the name Casey Jones) who is hired by an anarchist to find out what happened to his explosion.  I’m already 2500+ words in and the case was just taken and Cassidy is meeting with Svoboda to go visit the site.  So, yeah, not gonna be that short a story. 

Anyone wanna read it?  Let me know.  I might post it here when I’m done – prob do installments, but I don’t wanna start until the rough draft is done. 

Anyhow, yeah, figured since my last post here was over 7 months ago, I should post here.  So I did.  

Don’t forget to check out my Classic Doctor Who blog.  We’re finishing season 20 this week, plus the 20th anniversary special, The Five Doctors.  Six more seasons to go.  

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