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Fighting Depression #20 – Plummeting down | April 7, 2017

This shouldn’t have surprised me, and I guess it’s only the depth/intensity of it that did… after the AMAZING weekend, the darkness welled up inside me again and I’ve spent the past several days being completely unproductive.

I didn’t shower yesterday… which, again, is a pretty good sign that I’m down in the funk.  I haven’t vacuumed all week, again, another sign.  (Going to do that as soon as I finish this post.)

Haven’t filed for unemployment (working on that this weekend.)  Haven’t listed anything on eBay or Amazon to sell (need to start that too.  Need money, bad.)

The worst part is, I sit there and know I need to do stuff.  I know it.  And I just… don’t.

Feeling a little better today.  Gonna do some housework, might even go mow the lawn.  (In a lot of pain today, so we’ll see – housework is a bigger priority for my mental health.)  Today is a cool day, which is helping my spirits (I’m VERY much affected by the weather, but I’m the opposite of those who get the Winter Blues – hot days are miserable to me, physically AND emotionally/mentally.)

It’s a vicious cycle.  I get unproductive, don’t do what I should be doing, and I start to beat myself up for it and it just makes things worse inside my head… the compounding interest of depression and self-recrimination is a motherfucker.

Okay, enough whining.  I need to vacuum the carpet and make breakfast.  (Oh, yeah, I didn’t get up until 11:30am, because, even though I was in bed/lights out by 2:45am, I tossed and turned for over and hour and then I was awake again at 5am, 6:20am, 8something, 10something and finally 11:30amish, which I dragged my ass out of bed.

As always, thanks for reading.  I can’t imagine this is fun.

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