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Rainy day(s) thinkings | October 10, 2011

The past two-plus days has been a “rain event” here in Florida. Saturday, I had to work, but yesterday I was off and decided to stay at home – right now, my money is tighter than usual, so I’m struggling to conserve gas as much as possible until payday later in the week.

Yesterday was a completely slacktastic day. Sat in my chair, watched the majority of the BBC Series The Hour, and then some olde sk00l ECW wrestling (November 2 Remember 1999) and Kevin Smith’s Red State. Didn’t do any housework, no yard work (obviously), no stretching, no work out. So it was no wonder that by the end of the day, my back was killing me.

I need to refocus my energy on getting my life, such that it is, in order. My house is a mess, constantly. I bust ass for a few hours here and there, neaten up, only to have it get messy again. There are things that I need to fix or get a professional in to repair (not that I can afford that right now – I’m struggling catching up on bills still.) I’m tired of being lonely, but how could I bring someone back to this house? Not the way to make a good impression.

Work sucks, already. My co-worker is lazy and stupid. My boss is barely involved (granted, she’s not even collecting a regular paycheck right now, so I can’t blame her – when I wasn’t getting paid, I pretty much hardly came out to the shelter) and it’s almost impossible to feel like I’m getting anything done there. I love the work, but I hate the job again. I should try looking for another job, but after having been unemployed for 13 months, I’m kind of tired of applying for jobs and being rejected.

I need to find a way to make money with my writing, and I don’t mean being underpaid for freelancing articles about diapers or restaurants in Kalamazoo or hemorrhoids through an article farm site. But at the same time, it’s damn near impossible to focus and make the time to write when I’m so completely stressed out over bills and house and health and loneliness and everything else.

It’s entirely likely that I’m going to scale back on my social networking presence, if I can find a way to focus on writing. I keep saying I’m going to finish POO BAH one of these years. (Though, I’ll need to find someone to help me edit it – I’m no good at editing, and this isn’t a dodge. I’ve always been good at knowing what I can and cannot do well. Not every writer self-edits. Of course, an editor costs money. So, yeah.)

I just need a break. I’m tired of paying for past mistakes.


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