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Fighting Depression #33 – The Holidays Are Here

November 24, 2017
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Been over three months (!!!) since my last Fighting Depression update.

That’s kinda a good sign; been very busy with work, which helps me not have too much time to dwell on things and beat myself up over them.  That’s not to say that I haven’t had some issues with depression, I certainly have.  A couple weeks ago, had one week that was particularly rough, pain management and depression-wise.  (And I notice that when the latter is bad, the former tends to be amplified.)

Yesterday (obviously) was Thanksgiving.  The holidays are always rough for those who deal with depression.  Especially when you’re alone.  I’m missing having someone special in my life, someone to share holidays with… and I’m also missing having friends to spend time with, hang out, share the holidays with.

Money is still tight, even making over $3/hr more than I was this time last year. It seems I’m always dancing a fine line, juggling flaming bowling balls, just hoping my car lasts long enough, hoping nothing breaks around the house, hoping my health stays outside of anything serious…

But, there are things I’m thankful for. The presence of people in my life, even if just through social media. Having a good job that pays better than I’ve ever been paid before, that has benefits, that actually takes care of their employees, instead of taking advantage of you while praising you to your face for years and then tossing you aside with no explanation given. (No, I’m not at all bitter… actually, I’m mostly not any more… it’s just that’s exactly what they did.)

I’m thankful that I’ve managed to keep my house; it’s been touch and go multiple times over the years, but I’m still here, it’s still mine. It’s not in the best condition, there’s lots of things that need to be attended to, but it keeps me comfortable/safe from the elements, keeps my critters safe and content.

I’m thankful for my critters; I’m surprised Smiley is still with us, I know she’s at least thirteen years old now, VERY likely older.. and the average life expectancy for a pit bull is usually thirteen to fifteen years. It’s my job to keep her safe and spoil her (and she’s snoring on her couch – yes, HER couch, not mine – right now, so I think I’m doing a pretty good job, there.)

The cats are happy, well-fed, comfortable, safe, too.

So, it’s an effort, but I’m reminding myself of what I’m grateful for.

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Posted in Animals, Work
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7 Days 7 Photos 7/7

October 28, 2017
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Huzzah, I completed a challenge.  Wootness abound!  Today, I’m challenging Heather, cuz she’s all sorts of photographytastic.

Rules to the challenge:

  • Black and while photos
  • Photos of your life
  • No people
  • No explanation
  • Challenge someone each day

IMG_20171025_161542.jpg


7 Days 7 Photos 6/7

October 27, 2017
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Today’s challenge goes out to Mark Whitley!

Rules to the challenge:

  • Black and while photos
  • Photos of your life
  • No people
  • No explanation
  • Challenge someone each day

IMG_20171022_141155.jpg


7 Days 7 Photos 5/7

October 26, 2017
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Today’s challenge to play along goes out to one of my favourite peeps, and a cool writer, Zoe.

Rules to the challenge:

  • Black and while photos
  • Photos of your life
  • No people
  • No explanation
  • Challenge someone each day

IMG_20171024_024549.jpg


7 Days 7 Photos 4/7

October 25, 2017
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Apropos to the content of the photo, I’m challenging Welcome To Night Vale to play along.

Rules to the challenge:

  • Black and while photos
  • Photos of your life
  • No people
  • No explanation
  • Challenge someone each day

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7 Days 7 Photos 3/7

October 24, 2017
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(Whoops, forgot to post one yesterday, gonna try to schedule posts so I don’t do that.)

Today, I’ll challenge Kerry Awful, I think he’d have some neat photos.

Rules to the challenge:

  • Black and while photos
  • Photos of your life
  • No people
  • No explanation
  • Challenge someone each day

IMG_20171024_010121.jpg


7 Days 7 Photos 2/7

October 22, 2017
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Today, I’ll challenge Lisa.

Rules to the challenge:

  • Black and while photos
  • Photos of your life
  • No people
  • No explanation
  • Challenge someone each day

102217 day 02


Posted in Life In General, Meme
Tags: , ,

7 Days 7 Photos 1/7

October 21, 2017
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Nobody challenged me, but I’m challenging Glenn today.

Rules to the challenge:

  • Black and while photos
  • Photos of your life
  • No people
  • No explanation
  • Challenge someone each day

 

IMG_20171021_083442.jpg


An end to an era?

September 2, 2017
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So…
 
Bellini’s finally happened. I talked myself out of last week, for whatever reasons. I planned to do it today and started talking myself out of it earlier, and said, “No, this is just depression rearing its ugly head again,” and made myself go.
 
(For the uninitiated, Bellini’s is my favourite restaurant. It’s a little Italian deli, opened decades ago by Mr. Bellini, who had retired from running a deli in New York and moved to Florida. His wife was an English and Latin teacher at my high school, so he got bored being the only one home all day, so he opened a deli down here. I’ve been going to Bellini’s for approximately 35 years.)
 
I walked in and felt something was different. The decor was slightly different, there were small differences here and there. Shelves with bottles of pickled veggies and sauces weren’t there. But… it was more than that. Something felt… off.
 
I glanced over behind the counter, expecting to see Scott, the owner, working with his employees, making food… but he wasn’t there. Kinda odd for an early afternoon Saturday, but not unheard of. I walked back to the dining area, saw a server I know, and she seemed… not upset, but not her usual self. She greeted me with a, “hey, baby,” like she always does (and she’s a cutie, but as much as I’d like to think that means anything, I know it doesn’t), but there was a distraction in her demeanor. (Now, at the time, I didn’t think anything of it. Service help can’t always be 100% bastions of sunshine and joy, real life can dampen that.)
 
I sat at (one of) my usual table(s), and she came over, asking if I needed a menu. I told her I didn’t, and she repeated my usual to me (pretty good, considering I’d not been there in a few months, and only a couple times in 2017… but she’s worked there six years now), which I confirmed. She seemed a bit more her usual self then.
 
Food came, it was delicious as usual, but I wondered if it tasted a little different. Still great, but yes, it did. Maybe they were using different bread, maybe a different provider of veggies or meat or cheese? Wasn’t sure. Still, it was great, and I enjoyed every toasty bite of my Italian hero, all the way, hot.
 
When she (I really should learn her name) brought over my check, she asked if I had heard Scott had sold the place. I hadn’t, and voice my surprise. Health issues and long hours and such led him to do so, and the new owners took over last week. (Remember, two weeks ago, I went and they were unexpectedly closed? I bet that had something to do with that.) She asked if I enjoyed the sub, I said I had, and she remarked they hadn’t changed anything in the menu… and appended with with a “yet.”
 
I said that I hoped they didn’t, and she agreed. We talked a little bit more (they weren’t busy, so I wasn’t keeping her from any waiting customers), I gave her her tip and went to pay my bill.
 
So… we’ll see. When new owners bought Bellybusters years ago (2008ish?), they signed a contract agreeing they had to keep certain items, the specialty items Bellybusters was known for, on the menu… but they changed things. Went from fresh ground beef on the burgers to chopping up frozen patties. And it made a big difference.
 
So much so, more new owners ended up buying it from them, changing things back to the way they were, and getting back all the customers the first changes had driven away (myself included.)
 
I don’t know if there was any contractual (or otherwise) agreement along those lines here. We’ll see what changes they’ll affect as time goes on.
 
Regardless, it’s not the same without Scott there. When I first went, I was 12 years old, volunteering at the public library/playing D&D (and other RPGs) in the basement, and one of the other volunteers/players suggested we grab it for lunch. Back then, Scott and his wife (the daughter of Mr and Mrs Bellini) were still living in New York, attending college, but they would come down for the summer and on holidays and work… and I remember him being a skinny, tall early 20something.
 
As time went by, we both got older, less skinny, and got on a first name basis. No matter how long between visits, I could always expect to walk in and hear a friendly, hearty, “Hey, Terry,” from Scott. For the past six years or so, when he was off (usually evenings), his son-in-law, Paul, was working and would greet me in lieu of Scott.
 
Certainly, it’s not exactly what the song was about, but I think “Where everybody knows your name” said it best:
 
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name
And they’re always glad you came

Fighting Depression #32 – Oh, hai, I’m still alive and doing well enough.

August 20, 2017
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Wow, been fifty days since my last post here!

Been busy working, mostly six day work weeks.

When I get home after being away from the house for 10-12 hours each day, I’m exhausted and worn out (moreso each day of the week) and posting here hasn’t even really occurred to me, to be honest.

Depression hasn’t had much time to prey on me, to be honest.  This is a mostly good thing.  It has popped up occasionally, usually during my one day weekends, and, in fact, was why I haven’t gotten my oil changed, though it was due weeks ago.

I took care of that this morning, though, so fuck you, depression.

On the plus side, we have the opportunity to take every other Saturday off; my first one was a couple weeks ago, and my next one is this upcoming Saturday.  Really looking forward to a two day weekend, it’ll be indulgent.

Been catching up on tasks around the house that have been put off for months – when I had all the free time in the world (so to speak), depression was running roughshod over me.  Now, I’m so tired when I come home/get up, there’s only so much I can get accomplished… but I’m making some headway here and there.  Miles to go and all that, but headway is headway.

Here’s my checklist for today:

Slept 6.5 hours ✔
Walked Smiley ✔
Morning coffee ✔
Gave back time to loosen up for day ✔
Oil Change ✔
Shopping to restock “storm kit” ✔
Grocery shopping ✔
Publix sub for brunch ✔
Fed Smiley

Change out cat litter boxes✔
Laundry (in progress)
Climb on roof to check for storm-related dangers (limbs, etc)✔
Miscellaneous housework (in progress)
Fine tune budget for next couple weeks
(Add any other tasks that I can’t think of/have forgotten)


 

so, yeah, not a whole lot to report on here.  Work is decent (hot work, not too physically demanding, get along with everyone on my crew, bosses aren’t the best but not the worst I’ve ever worked for, pay is better than I’ve ever made in my life by several $ per hour), don’t have a lot of free time.  Getting lonely, would love to find a gaming group or something like that, but not sure about time commitments.  Would love to find someone to date, but options are limited (and time is limited, so she’d have to be understanding as all get out.)

Will try to post before too long.

As always, thanks for reading.


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